


New Girl

by bonjourmarlene



Category: Little Mix, One Direction
Genre: F/F, M/M, Slash, jerrie, little mix - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-15
Updated: 2013-03-27
Packaged: 2017-11-18 17:32:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply, Underage
Chapters: 21
Words: 46,873
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/563619
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bonjourmarlene/pseuds/bonjourmarlene
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Perrie Edwards is a sixteen-years old girl, she is the loud and goofy girl, she is blonde, has blue eyes and is the most popular girl at school. At lunch, she is surrounded by many girls, including her best friends Jesy, Leigh-Anne and Zayn. Boys are chasing her - but she's hard to get. No-one really knows Perrie or the tough things she has to get through, not even her best friends.</p>
<p>Jade Thirlwall is totally different. She is the quiet and shy girl. She is pretty aswell but hides her face behind books. She hardly has any friends and gets bullied - only her family seems to love Jade the way she is - so she moves to another school. What happens to the lifes of two young girls, totally different, when they meet each other? And what happens when Jade suddenly feels herself attracted to the blonde girl? But... What does Perrie think of Jade?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

The blonde opened the door and found herself in the cafeteria. Jesy to her left and Leigh-Anne to her right she went towards a table. Soon the three girls were surrounded by other girls and also boys. Everyone loved them. How couldn’t you?

Perrie, Jesy and Leigh were the three most popular girls in school, especially Perrie. She was blonde, thin, had blue eyes and her ability to make everyone laugh could make you wrap yourself around her little finger. She was loud and cheeky, but never disrespectful. Perrie knew where the limits were.

Jesy and Leigh weren’t as “famous” as Perrie was but still two of the girls every guy on school wanted to have. Neither of them dressed inappropriate for school or anywhere else - that’s why girls didn’t talk bad about them behind their backs. They loved how genuine the girls were even though they were so extremely popular.

Perrie started talking to this guy whose name happened to be Zayn. She had to admit he looked amazing - he had black hair with blonde highlights in the front and his skin was a little darker because his father was from Pakistan. He looked good next to her because she was so extremely white, almost pale. His dark, brown eyes were sparkling and his voice would take your breath away. Perrie liked him a lot but not enough to date him - like a big brother. After all she wasn’t the kind of girl to date anyone. She preferred being a single. Her best friends both were taken and tried to convince her to ask Zayn out. Zayn already had found the courage to ask her but she rejected him - in a nice way. He seemed to be her best friend, she was the only one in school who knew Zayn fancied both - men and women.

The blonde grabbed an apple of Zayn’s. “Hey, where are the guys?” She asked with a smile and suddenly everyone turned their attention to Perrie. She always was in the middle of the spotlight.

“Haz and Lou are out, probably kissing and Liam and Niall are getting some food.” He pointed at two guys who were waiting in the queue for their food. The one was short for a guy - around 5’7”. He had blonde hair but darker than Perrie. She had found out that he two of them had a lot in common, also their love for food. His name was Niall and he moved here a while ago from Ireland.

The other guy was rather tall, even taller than Zayn. He had light brown hair, which was slightly curled today, due to the rain. He wore a button down shirt like so often, all the buttons buttoned up. His name was Liam.

Soon they joined the table and started talking to Zayn and Perrie. She felt lucky whenever she was in school - she had a lot of friends and everyone loved her.

But of course, life isn’t perfect for anyone. But Perrie never thought about the dark sides of her life when she was here. She never wanted school to end, she loved it her. That might sound odd for a sixteen-years old but she rather called school ‘home’ than actually the house she was living in.

No, she thought to herself. I won’t think about this now.

And with another smile she turned her attention back to the boys, pushing away her thoughts.


	2. Chapter 2

I hid my face behind the pages of the book my mum had got me yesterday as someone sat down next to me. I didn’t know the girl’s name but I knew she had been talking about me today. “Hey, nice sweater.”

Confused I looked up. I thought she didn’t like me…? “Err, thanks,” I stammered.

“Yeah, it doesn’t fit a face ugly as yours.”

Turning back the attention to my book I gulped. Of course she wasn’t nice. Who would ever be? I was ugly, fat and a geek. Of course everyone hated me. I had a high, annoying voice, a lot of people had told me already. “By the way, you should leave school, really. You’re even annoying the teachers with being her. Why are you even here?” The girl added and I shrugged, unable to answer. You would think I should be used to the talking already… But it still hurt as much as the day I first heard the mean words from someone’s mouth. “I mean, seriously. It’s bad for you, it’s bad for us. So just leave.”

I tugged on my sweater’s sleeve and pulled it down my arm. Since someone found out about my scars people even told me I was a coward because I couldn’t even kill myself when I tried to. I was too stupid for even doing this.

I let out s shaky breath and felt my eyes prickle with tears. I didn’t look up but the girl saw them after all. “Oh, god, stop crying already, baby.” She rolled her eyes and got up.

I hid my face behind my book even more and blinked so I stopped crying. I really had no idea what I had done so everyone hated me. I also had no idea why people weren’t even afraid to tell me such things. I would never be able to hurt anyone on purpose.

I let out another breath as I realized I had calmed down a bit as I pushed away the thoughts. I started reading again as the voice of the headmaster said, “Jade Thirlwall to my office, please. Jade Thirlwall.”

I quickly got up, walking out of the room, followed by everyone’s eyes. I had no idea why he was calling me but I was happy for every excuse I had to skip class. I looked at the door in front of me.

Apparently it was too expensive to make a new sign for every new headmaster we had so we only had a sign saying “The headmaster’s office”. I knocked and the man named James Jordan called me to come in.

Surprised I found my maths teacher sitting in front of us - she should be in our class right now; I was already wondering why she wasn’t. “Please, take a seat, Jade,” she smiled at me and patted at a chair’s seat next to her.

I nodded and put my books and backbag on the floor before I sat down next to Mrs McRay. “Here I am,” I said and put on a smile that hopefully looked genuinely.

“Well, Mrs McRay just told me somthing about you and the way the other students treat you… Is it true?”

I was shocked but tried to hold my poker face. “What is true?”

“That you’re being bullied.”

“Sir!” Mrs McRay protested. “You cannot ask her like that, she really suffers!”

I gulped as the headmaster looked at me sorrowful. “I’m sorry, Ms Thirlwall. But… could you please tell me why you did not tell us that your classmates are bullying you?”

Wide eyed I looked at him. I had no idea what to say! Who would tell the teachers in a case like this? They’d ask the students why they’re doing this and then they would be even meaner because I couldn’t handle it all on my own.

“We already called your parents.”

My eyes almost popped out of my eyeholes. They did what?! What would they say?! “They will be here shortly. Mrs McRay will go back to class in the meantime, she had told me everything.”

Mrs McRay got up right that moment and smiled at me weakly. She left the room, leaving me and the headmaster alone. “Ms Thirlwall… May I ask why you did not tell anyone? We could have helped you.”

I faced the ground and let out a shaky breath. For the second time today my eyes started prickling with tears and I sniffed. “I… I don’t know… Maybe they’d say I was a coward because I couldn’t handle them alone.”

Mr Jordan sighed as someone knocked on the door. My parents entered. “Jade!” My mum shouted and I got up to accept her hug. She rested her head in the crook of my head and I breathed in the familiar smell - home. “Baby, why didn’t you tell us anything?”

I blinked away the tears and shrugged with a forced smile. “Err…” I had no idea what to say so I just looked at my father who pulled me in another hug.

“Mr and Mrs Thirlwall, may I ask what you want to do in case of Jade? Should we let the students gather around and tell them it was wrong and everyone to apologize to her?”

“No!” I shouted immediately. “I don’t want to…”

“My wife and I decided it would be the beat if Jade would go to another school. Of course only if she wants to.” He smiled weakly at me and comforted me by rubbing my back.

A real smile crept onto my face. “Yes, that would be lovely!”

Mr Jordan nodded with a smile. “I think that’s a good idea. Will you do it still today?”

Now it was my mum’s turn to nod. “My husband and Jade would go home now and I will sign everything I have to, alright?”

Dad and I left the room and went to the car. This still could be a nice day!

***

“Okay, here’s your timetable and here’s a plan so you can find your classes.”

“Thank you,” I smiled and for a long time the smile on my face was real. I was happy like never before and really excited on meeting new people. I looked down at the schedule to see I had my first class on the second floor. Soon I had found the room and sat down at the last seat. No-one seemed to mind me but I could care less - being invisible to others was better than being the other’s butt to kick around. I pulled out my new book and started reading.

It was a science-fiction story, called Matched. It was about a girl that lived in a community that had planned your entire life already - who to marry, how many kids to get, where to live… But Cassia didn’t want to marry the one she should. She wanted to marry Ky, one day maybe. But Ky wasn’t allowed to marry at all… It was hard to explain but it was very catching and I had never heard about a story like this.

The door bell rang and I put it away. A blonde, gorgeous girl sat down next to me and she was smiling widely. “Hi, I’m Perrie,” she smiled at me and I already felt comfortable and wanted to respond but that moment the teacher entered and smiled at us.

“Good morning! My name is Robert O’Donnald. Why am I telling you this? Because we have a new student!” He had a thick scottish accent and pointed with a smile at me. “This is Jade Thirlwall. Err, Perrie, could you please show her the school and where she can find everything?”

The blonde geordie next to me smiled brightly. “Yeah, sure! When?”

I was amazed how happy this girl was. She was continously smiling and next to her I felt really comfortable. “Maybe now?”

Perrie got up and I did so, too. We went out of the class and she smiled. “So, Jade, what’s the number of your locker?”

“Umm, wait a sec,” I murmured, looking for a piece of paper. She squealed and I shot her a confused look. “Oh my gosh, you’ve the cutest voice ever!”

I felt my cheeks heating up. The first compliment I had gotten and the day had just begun! “Oh, umm, thank you,” I murmured.

“Eek, I’m sorry!” Perrie said, seriously looking regretting what she said. “I guess a lot of people are telling you so… But you look really cute!”

I laughed quietly and shook my head. I didn’t want her to know I had never met such a nice person like her. What if she found out people were right - that my voice wasn’t cute but annoying. That I was an annoying person who you’d just waste your time with. “Thanks a lot, umm… Perrie, right?”

She nodded with a huge smile on her face. “Okay, so what’s your number? I guess you don’t want to carry around your books all day, do ya?”

I shook my head and gave her the piece of paper. She nodded and we went towards the lockers and she pointed at one. “Here’s yours, the combination is 3-7-2-9.”

“How would you know?” I asked confused as I turned around the wheel of the locker.

“It’s written on this paper,” she laughed and I opened the locker to put in my books. “So, now I’ll show you everything. First the cafeteria because I love food!” She giggled and grabbed my arm to tag me along.

“So, your name is Jade Thirlwall? Why are you here?”

I shrugged. Although Perrie was a really nice girl I didn’t want ro reveal everything yet. “I just didn’t like my school much and my parents decide it wouls be good for a change.”

“Oh, but what about your friends?”

“Err, well, I’ll still be able to see them, won’t I? We also have a life outside school.” She hadn’t seen me wince at her question but I saw her wince at my answer. Quickly she seemed to recover and smiled as she opened the door and we entered the cafeteria. “We always sit here,” she said and pointed at the biggest table in the room.

“Who’s we?” I asked.

“Jesy, Leigh, Zayn, Liam, Niall, Harry, Louis and I. I hope you’re not against gays because Harry and Lou are really in love. They told each other just a week ago or so so they still are in the honeymoon phase.”

I smiled. “That mind sound weird but I always wanted to know someone gay! Apparently they are super chill! Aren’t they?”

Perrie laughed at my sudden outburst. “Yeah, they are!” We left the room and went towards a hall. “This is the auditorium.” We walked around the school and talked a little.

Perrie was sixteen and her birthday was in July. She sometimes hated her skin for being so pale but for now it was okay. Jesy and Leigh(-Anne) were her two best friends for ages now and her best guy friend’s name was Zayn. She liked it to have sleep-over’s with the girls and she totally adored singing. I found myself drawn to her, spending time with her seemed to be the easiest thing ever.

I was almost sad when we went back to class. “We’re back!” Perrie announced, making the people in class laugh. We sat down again and waited for the lesson to end.

Next lesson I had biology and Perrie had maths. Sadly I walked away and started reading again. A boy sat down next to me - his hair was slightly curled and light brown. He was very tall and smiled at me. “Hey, you’re Jade, aren’t you?”

“Err, yeah…” I nodded and was confused how he knew my name.

“I am Liam. Perrie sent me a text to take care of you.” He chuckled and I joined his laughter. “So, how are you?”

“I’m good,” I smiled and put away the book. “Liam Payne, right?”

“Yeap,” he laughed. “I see Perrie already told you about us, did she?”

I nodded again. “Yeah, she’s really nice.”

Another boy put his arms around Liam to hug him from behind. He had dark hair with blonde highlights and dark, chocholate eyes. Also his skin was a little darker. “Hello,” he smiled at me. “I’m Zayn.”

“Jade,” I grinned. The bell rang and Zayn took his seat next to Liam.

***

“So, this is Jesy, this is Leigh-Anne, Harry and Louis and this is Niall. You already met Liam and Zayn.” I smiled at Perrie as we sat down. It was a strange feeling to have someone who actually liked talking to you apart from your family. I felt… amazing.

I sat down between Liam and Perrie and smiled at everyone. Jesy had light brown, long and curly hair and a round face. Leigh-Anne had short, straight and black hair. Her fringe was falling into her face, cut above the eyebrows. Niall was from Ireland, he looked a little like a boys version of Perrie - pale skin, blonde hair and blue eyes. He was the shortest of the boys. Harry had dark brown, curly hair and green eyes. Like Perrie he was smiling all the time, his dimples on full display. He was holding the hand of another boy, who happened to be his boyfriend Louis. He had bronze hair, which was a complete mess and grey eyes. They all greeted me in a supernice way and I wanted to cry because of happiness - they all were so nice!

“Jade is such a lovely name!” Leigh-Anne smiled. “It’s lovely to meet you!” She saw the book I was carrying around. “Hey, you enjoy reading a lot?”

With pink cheeks I nodded. It way a strange feeling when everyone was staring at me and waiting for my answer. I wasn’t used to be in the spotlight. “Err…” I nodded and Leigh-Anne chuckled.

“Aww, you’re cute!” Jesy laughed.

“I’m sorry,” Leigh apologized and turned her attention back to her food. The rest was still looking at me and my cheeks seemed to become even hotter and redder with every second. I also felt Perrie’s eyes on and then she sighed.

“Err, Niall, how was your presentation?” She asked and everyone’s eyes now darted over tp the blonde boy.

He looked up from his food and stared at us. His mouth was half open as he had just wanted to take a bite of his sandwich but got stopped by Perrie.

I was glad the attention wasn’t at me anymore but I still felt Perrie’s eyes on me. I smiled at her and she returned the smile. “Umm, Jade, I was thinking… well, only if you have no plans on friday… Jesy, Leigh and I wanted to make a DVD night at mine and we’d all sleep there so would you like to join?”

I looked over to Perrie’s best friends who smiled encouraging. “Yeah, why not?” I asked calmly even though I was jumping on the inside.

“Great! I’ll tell you the details!”


	3. Chapter 3

“Oh, that’s wonderful, baby! Of course you can!” Mum smiled at me. “When?”

“Perrie will still tell me everything,” I answered and felt even happier than this morning. I had no idea why but Perrie really made me happy.

Right that moment my phone rang and quickly I answered without looking at the ID. “Hello!”

“Hey, Jade, it’s Perrie! I called you because of Friday!”

“Hey, Perrie!” I said and a smile crept onto my face.

“Well, how about I go home with you tomorrow after school so I know where to get you for Friday?” She sounded a little nervous and I felt my cheeks heating up again. Wait, why was I blushing?

“Err, sure! Mum, could Perrie come here tomorrow after school?” I gave her my best puppy eyes and she nodded with a happy smile. Although she hadn’t known I had been bullied in school she had recognized I had never brought home friends. After a day in a new school I was already having friends. Every mother would be happy, wouldn’t she? “Yeah, ask her if she would like to eat with us?”

“Pez, would you like to eat with us?” I blushed again as I recognized I had used a nickname for her. Oh god!

“Sure!” She said and seemed not to mind how I just called her. Maybe a lot of people called her ‘Pez’…

“Okay, umm, so then I’ll get you on Friday at six, alright? Then the two of us will go to my house where Jesy and Leigh should already been waiting. My family isn’t home so no-one would be able to disturb us. Umm… We always play karaoke. Can you sing?”

“I don’t know,” I admitted. I really loved music, but I was too shy to sing in front of other people, especially in front of people who didn’t belong to my family. “Don’t think so.”

“It’s okay. But you’ll have to sing anyways!”

“No!” I exclaimed and rolled my eyes. “Please, not!”

“You better start practising already!” She laughed and I sighed. “Well, I’ll see you tomorrow at school, okay?”

“Yeap!” I smiled and we both said our good byes. Then I went upstairs and brushed my teeth to get ready for bed. I was afraid I couldn’t fall asleep today - I was so hyper! Today was really the best day I ever had. I was really happy Mrs McRay had found out that people were bullying me or I wouldn’t have been able to go to another school.

My mind wandered to Perrie as I lay in my bed and a smile was spread across my face. I saw her face in front of me, her blonde hair falling down her shoulders and her big blue eyes shining. She was smiling brightly at me and she was walking towards me. She put her arm around my shoulders and smiled.

“Hey gorgeous!” She said and I felt my stomach twisting around. “I’m so glad I met you, you changed my life!”

A little surprised I looked at her and she nudged me. “You are an amazing girl, Jade, you know? Hey, now you know all my friends. Shouldn’t you introduce me to yours?”

“Why?” I asked shocked.

“I want to know your friends. I hope they like me.” She pecked my cheek, causing me to blush, and then rested her head on my shoulder.

“I… I don’t have friends… from my old school…” I murmured shyly.

Perrie pulled away from me and looked at me. She knit her eyebrows and bit her lower lip. Then her eyes widened and she nodded. “I see! They thought you were annoying, didn’t they? I understand them, to be honest. You’re really boring… Ugh. Okay, sorry. You kind of wasted my time. I’ll go back to Zayn, see ya… or rather not. You’re worthless, I really don’t need you.”

My eyes began to tear and I stood there as Perrie walked away without another word. She left, just like everyone else did. Everyone left me… I wasn’t strong enough to hold her. She deserved someone better. Not a worthless piece of shit like me.

I woke up by the beeping sound of my alarm clock and let out a deep breath. Another day of bad talking, another day of sitting all alone - no, wait.

Perrie.

I had no idea why she always was on my mind. I let out another deep breath as I remembered my dream. It felt so real… Perrie’s words hurt me more than anyone’s words ever did. She was the only one I had let closer to me, apart from my family. And it may come true one day. Sooner or later she’d probably find out how boring and annoying I was. Maybe I shouldn’t let her too close so it wouldn’t hurt too much when she finally would. And I knew she would.

I sighed and went for a shower. Today Perrie would come here and eat with us. Everything went so fast! When I started going to this school all I hoped was to socialize a bit. The only thing I wanted was not to be bullied anymore, I didn’t even ask for friends. And then this blonde gorgeous stepped into my life.

“Why are you smiling so much?” Mum snapped me out of my thoughts. I looked up at her face and didn’t bother about my smile. “Aww, you’re blushing! We’re thinking about a boy, are we?”

I blushed even harder. Did I look like I was thinking about a boy? “No,” I said and shook my head. My lips still formed a smile and I could tell my mum was really happy to see me smile genuinely. “I was thinking about Perrie.” I said before I could stop myself.

My mum chuckled and placed a plate in front of me. My dad entered the kitchen and pecked her cheek. “Good morning, ladies!” He smiled and hugged me slightly. “You look happy today!”

“Yeah, a new friend’s gonna come over for lunch today,” I smiled. “Her name is Perrie.”

“She’s Jade’s best friend,” Mum said and winked at my dad. Confused I raised an eyebrow at her but she didn’t even look at me.

“Pez- Perrie has loads of friends. I don’t think she’d consider me as her BFF.”

“Pez!” Mum laughed and I blushed again. “What’s her nickname for you?”

“Mum!” I protested and rolled my eyes. “I just told you, she also has a lot of other friends and she only knows me since yesterday! She has no nickname for me!” I sighed and tried to eat my breakfast. I really hoped she wouldn’t be so embarrassing when Perrie would come here today…

***

“Yay, I’m excited!” She giggled and wrapped one of her blonde curls around her index finger. “I really hope your parents like me.”

“They’ll love you,” I assured her and smiled to myself. Perrie’s hand brushed mine and I felt my body kind of reacting. I felt my tummy twisting again and my cheeks heating. What the hell? I cleared my throat and shook my head, trying to push away my thoughts. “So, I already have to apologize. My mum is really excited on meeting you and she might be… a bit embarrassing and stuff. So, sorry.”

She laughed and looked away before she met my eyes again. “Don’t worry, Jay. I probably will be embarrassing, too.”

“Did you just call me Jay?” I asked and tried to hide how happy I was. She actually had given me a nickname!

“Yeah.. Uh, sorry. I just thought… because you call me Pez… I’d give you a nickname, too.” She stammered and I couldn’t help but think how adorable she was. Wait, what? “Sorry if you don’t like it.”

“No, it’s cool!” I smiled at her and nudged her, gaining a bright smile. My heart skipped a beat when I saw her perfect face. What the hell?!

“Okay. How long to go?” She asked for the fourth time and I looked around. I already spotted our house an pointed at it. “There I live.”

“What a lovely house!” She squealed and I giggled. “Ohmygosh, I’m so excited!”

I laughed again and we already walked up the path to the door. Before I could even pull out my key the door flung up and my excited mother greeted us with a huge smile.

“Hello, Mrs Thirlwall,” Perrie said sheepishly and waved her hand.

“Call me Norma! You must be Perrie! Jade has already told us about you. Come on in.” She almost spoke with her baby voice and I rolled my eyes at her.

“Yeah, thanks.” Perrie smiled at me. “She’s not embarrassing. She’s really nice!” She whispered so only I could hear it.

“Ha-ha, thanks!” I laughed and we walked into the dining room. I saw Perrie was scanning the room, looking at everything. “Oh my, is that you as a baby?!” She squealed and walked towards a big photo on the wall. I blushed and my eyes widened when I saw she was pointing at a photo on my first birthday. I sat on my dad’s lap and clapped as I saw the candles burning bright on the cake that looked like the head of Minnie Mouse.

“You still are so cute!” She poked my cheek and I stuck out my tongue at her.

“Shut up, Edwards,” I said and felt weird. I had never ever said ‘shut up’ to anyone and it was really weird when I didn’t even mean it…

“Aww, is little Jay a little embarrassed?” She asked with a high and very girly voice. She giggled and looked around. She sat down at a chair at the dining table and tapped the chair next to her. “Come here.”

I nodded and sat down next to her. I felt the heat of her body next to me and suppressed the urge to hug her. This morning when she had spotted me in front of school she had run towards me to pull me into a hug. It was an amazing feeling! “So, where’s your room? Can I see it later?” She asked in excitement and again I felt myself smile just because she was smiling.

“Maybe,” I said and winked. It was incredible how carefree I was towards Perrie. Never had I thought I would ever find the courage to be cheeky enough to wink! Especially not at a person as beautiful as Perrie… What was up with me?

“By the way, what do you think about Liam?” She suddenly asked and I looked up into her crystal blue eyes.

“He seems to be a nice guy,” I stated, obviously in the wrong moment because my mum just entered and asked, “Who’s a nice guy? Tell me everything!”

“Mum!” I protested as she sat down. A few seconds later also my dad came in. “I don’t want Jade to be attracted to any guy!” He said whilst putting some food on his plate. “She’s too young to date anyone!”

“I’m sixteen, dad,” I sighed and rolled my eyes.

“See?” He asked and Perrie next to me giggled. “I can assure that Liam is a really nice lad.”

“You want me to date Liam?” I asked and felt a sting in my heart.

“Yeah, Lili is a great guy!” I raised my eyebrows in disbelief. “He’s seventeen and you call him Lili?” I shook my head. “Anyways, I’m not attracted to him after all.”

“What about Niall then?”

“I hardly know Niall,” I answered and shrugged. He seemed to be nice but all I knew was that he and Liam were best friends and that he was an Irish leprechaun.

“Then you’ll get to know Niall! Don’t worry, Jay, I’m gonna make him to ask you out.” She winked at me but turned away her attention before she could see me rolling my eyes at her. It wasn’t like I didn’t want to be in a relationship but I couldn’t date anyone I hardly knew.

“I thought she had no nickname for you…?” Mum suddenly interrupted us. To be honest, I had totally forgotten she was here aswell!

“I invented it on our way here,” Perrie answered for me which I was glad for. She didn’t bother about saying what she was thinking. That was probably why everyone liked her.

But what did she see in me? I really was a boring girl. I spent my afternoons with helping my mum with the household or reading books. The only interest we seemed to share was our love for music.

“Jesy and Leigh really like you, by the way,” she smiled at me. “They are looking forward to Friday and me too! It’s the first time it’s not just the three of us! We used to be four, but when Louis broke up with her she stopped being friends with us.” Perrie rolled her eyes and sighed dramatically. She was talking but I loved that. I was the quiet one after all and I preferred to be the one to listen.

“I thought Louis was with Harry?” I asked confused.

“Yeah, but only for a week,” she started to explain. “Louis told us he was into boys a month ago… Harry kinda always knew that girls weren’t his cup of tea.”

I nodded and started eating again.

“Seems like you already gained loads of new friends,” mum said happily.

I nodded and smiled at my blonde friend. “Yeah, thanks to Perrie. She is the girl at school and knows everyone. Also everyone likes her.”

Perrie blushed and shook her head. “People just know me because I’m loud. And I’m pretty sure not everyone likes me.” She laughed bitterly and confused I knit my eyebrows.

A second later she already had a smile on her face but I knew it wasn’t real.

“So, Perrie…” My mum started and we both turned our attention back to mum. She was asking my blonde friend something but I didn’t listen to the words that came across her mouth. What was that with Perrie just a second ago? I would ask her but I didn’t know her for too long and it would probably be weird. It was strange at all that I could already tell when she was really happy or when she was forcing a smile.

My parents continued talking to her and soon we were finished. “I’m gonna show Perrie my room and change,” I told my parents as I got up.

“Okay, have fun girls!” My mum shouted after us we already ran up the stairs. In big, yellow letters was “Jade” written on my room’s door. I blushed - I should’ve thought about that. Only twelve years old girls still have those letters on their bedroom’s door! I opened the door, hoping Perrie wouldn’t mind and we both stepped in.

Right next to the door was my bed. It was made out of wood, painted white. The mattress was covered by yellow pillows and blankets. Some teddies and other plush animals lay on top, embarrassing me even more. On my table lay a laptop I had hardly used so far and the book I was currently reading. It was also made of out wood that was painted in white and so was my cupboard. My radio stood on top of my cupboard, it was broken but I hadn’t thrown it away now.

My iPod lay on my table and it was the first thing Perrie grabbed. “What are you listening to most?”

“Umm…” I didn’t really want to say. My room was embarrassing and so was my taste in music. “Maybe… ‘River flows in You’…”

Surprised Perrie looked up. “Oh, I didn’t know you were a fan of classic! I like it, too!” She dropped herself on my bed and started the music. Even from where I stood I was able to hear the soft tunes the piano made. I relaxed instantly. Perrie didn’t seem to mind my embarrassing my room nor did she dislike the music I was listening to daily. I felt pretty happy. Being with Perrie was so easy, just like breathing.

I dropped myself next to her and she rested her head on my chest. “You’re comfy,” she laughed and I joined. It was really nice laying here and I didn’t feel like getting up ever. Still the soft tunes of my favourite melody were filling my ears, even more now, and the only real friend I ever had was here with me. I wanted this moment to last forever.

“Hey, Jay?”

“Huh?” I asked and yawned. Today had been exhausting.

“I’m tired. Could I stay here tonight? I really don’t wanna go home. Look how late it is already!” I heard something in her voice I didn’t know what it was but it sent a shiver down my spine - and not in a good way.

“I would have to ask my parents first,” I smiled at her. I had never had a friend sleeping here! How incredible!! I got up and walked downstairs.

“Jade, Perrie is an amazing girl!” My mum squealed and pulled me into a hug. “I wish I would’ve known her when I was young! We would’ve been the best friends aswell!”

I chuckled and watched my father rolling his eyes. “Yeah, Perrie’s what I wanted to talk about. Could she… ummm… stay here tonight?”

“Where would she stay?” My mum asked curiously.

“In my room of course,” I smiled and mum nodded before she looked at my dad. He sighed and nodded. “Fine. But please, don’t be too loud, I need to work tomorrow morning.”

“Don’t worry,” I tried to assure him. “Pez and I do have school, so we won’t stay up late.” Hiding a smile I ran upstairs again. She asked me if she could stay but I didn’t answer. “What’s your shirt and trousers’ size?” I asked instead.

She looked at me in confusion but told me. I grabbed sweatpants and a tank for her and threw it at her. “Your pyjamas,” I smiled at her and she pulled them close to her chest and her lips formed a bright grin. “Does that mean I can stay?”

“Yeah!” I joined her cheering and pulled out my pyjamas. “I’m gonna change quickly, you can change in here, I’ll go into the bathroom.” I opened the door and locked it behind me. I stripped off my skirt and untied my tie. I threw it onto the skirt, then unbuttoned my shirt. I unclipped my bra and then I pulled my head through the biggest hole of my pajama shirt. It was a plain, white shirt. Then I put my grey pajama-trousers on. “You ready?” I asked before I opened the door.

“Come on in!” Perrie shouted in a posh voice. I giggled to myself as I opened the door - she really was funny!

I opened the door and found her on my bed, her body covered beneath the blankets. “I am sooo tired, Jadey! Come here!” She patted a spot besides her and I dropped myself on the bed.

“It’s not even late,” I chuckled, looking at my alarm clock. It was only half past six! “We shouldn’t sleep already. Why don’t you tell me something about your family? I told you everything.”

I felt her tensing up next to me but I didn’t look up at her. She shook her head and again I saw the forced smile she had this afternoon when we ate. “I rather not… My family would bore the hell out of you. Maybe someday but I’m tired now. Please, could we cuddle?”

I nodded and felt her arms around me. She was pretty hot and her arms gave me the feeling of security. Her hot breath was hitting my skin, sending chills down my spine with every breath she took. “Nighty night, Jadey,” she whispered close to my ear and another chill ran down my spine.

“Night, Pez,” I whispered. My voice was all husky and not as high as usual. I cleared my throat. It was really comfortable with Perrie but at the same time I felt weird because it felt so extremely good.

Perrie’s breath became slower and I knew she had fallen asleep. With her arms still wrapped around my waist I felt asleep.


	4. Chapter 4

“Hey, Jade.”

I looked up, meeting a pair of brown eyes. I smiled as I recognized the boy and put away my book. I smiled at him and waved slightly. I still wasn’t able to talk to everyone carefree and it always took me a few minutes to talk to someone properly, even if I knew the person - except for Perrie.

“What are you doing on Friday?”

Surprised I raised an eyebrow at him. Was he just… asking me out? Me?! “Err, why?”

He smiled slightly and took place next to me. “I thought you could come over to my house and we could watch some movies or something… I mean, only if you’re free.” His eyes suddenly widened and he hit his forehead. “I’m sorry! I forgot to ask you if you had a boyfriend! I guess he wouldn’t be amazed if you spent some time with me.”

So, that’s why Perrie had asked me what I thought about Liam! He was into me. Oh my god! He was into me! My cheeks flushed pink. It was an incredible feeling to know someone liked me, let out thinking I was pretty! “I’m sorry…” I smiled. “I don’t have a boyfriend but I sleep at Perrie’s with her, Jesy and Leigh-Anne,” I explained. It was weird to let him down. I had never ever thought it would be me who would ever reject someone, after all it would’ve been vice versa.

“It’s okay,” he said smiling but I could tell he was a bit disappointed. “Maybe someday else… Tell me if you want to.”

“Sure!” I smiled and he smiled too, still looking a bit disappointed.

I looked away from him as my teacher came in and put away my book. Once again I looked over to Liam. I had always wanted friends, a boyfriend and a nice life. Now I had a nice life and friends. I had no boyfriend yet but none of these guys I had met here were the ones I could fall in love with. They were all nice and I shouldn’t be so picky but I knew it’d feel wrong if I was dating a boy and not Perrie- wait, what?!

I felt my cheeks heating as I re-thought my thought. Me and Perrie? No, that wasn’t possible. We both were girls and only knew each other for two days.

“Ms Thirlwall, could you please tell me the answer?”

I looked up into the eyes of our teacher and panic flooded my body. Dang! I hadn’t paid any attention and the lesson had begun almost twenty minutes ago!

“Black,” Liam whispered and I answered with the same word.

My teacher glared at me one more time before he turned his attention back to the rest of the class. “Thanks,” I muttered quietly.

“No prob,” Liam smiled with a wink. I was sure we could be good friends.

***

“Finally!”

I felt two arms wrapping around my shoulders and returned Leigh-Anne’s friendly hug. Next I hugged Jesy who smiled widely at me. “We already thought you’d never turn up!” She said.

“Sorry,” Perrie giggled and grabbed my jacket. “I got lost on the way to her house. Sorry, girls!”

“Anyways,” Leigh smiled. “What should we start with? Karaoke? Nails? Face masks? Pillow fight?”

I chuckled. “We really do the things all these girly girls do in these high school films?”

“Yeah, we always do!” Perrie explained and led me into the living room. Pillows lay around on the floor, the table (which I thought would normally stand in front of the sofa) was pushed to a corner of the room so we had more space. MTV was on the tele, airing ‘Teen Mom’ right now. Sweets, chocolate and popcorn were on the floor - the sweets and the chocolate still wrapped into the packages and above the popcorn was a small, white cloud, showing me it was still hot. “So, I decided we all could sleep on the sofa. Of course only if no-one wants to sleep upstairs.”

Jesy and Leigh shook their heads and everyone looked at me. I shook my head, too but grinned at the blonde girl. “You saw my room so I wanna see yours.”

She winked and I felt my stomach twirling around again. “You’ll see it later,” she promised and dragged us all to the sofa.

“I’d say we should start with karaoke,” Jesy smiled. Only by the way she spoke I knew she had an amazing voice. I reckoned they all had lovely voices and then there was me.

“Okay, but first we have to rehears,” Perrie smiled and put her hands on my shoulder from behind and I instantly felt my body relaxing by her touch. “Jay says she can’t sing so…”

My eyes widened and I felt my face paling. “I… I need to sing, too..?” I asked shocked and all the girls nodded with enthusiasm.

“Of course!” Leigh-Anne giggled. “We all love singing and Perrie told us you have a good taste in music. Everyone who has a good taste in music can sing, so don’t you worry.”

“But someone already told me I couldn’t sing,” I answered and regretted it already. I didn’t want them to know I had been bullied - when I was at school and we had new students I always tried to socialize with them. Or at least at the beginning. The moment people found out that I was the girl at school everyone hated they stopped talking to me, afraid to get bullied too. Those who were nice at the beginning and even referred themselves as my friends were the ones who bullied me the most, just to get lost of the image of being friends with me.

“We’ll see,” Jesy smiled and started to sing a high and clear tone. My jaw almost dropped to the floor - it was even better than I had ever imagined!

Perrie sung a tone that was a little higher but Jesy didn’t stop and Leigh-Anne added a deeper tone. Expectantly they looked at me but I couldn’t even move my lips.

Perrie sighed. “Come on, Jay! I know you can do this! What’s your favourite song, with text?”

“Umm… I’d say How To Save A Life by The Fray,” I smiled and the tunes already flooded my mind, along with the text.

“I know that one!” Perrie smiled and cleared her throat before her amazing voice filled my eyes. I was really amazed, I had never expected anyone’s voice to be so hilarious!

“Step one you say ‘We need to talk’  
He walks  
You say ‘Sit down, it’s just a talk’  
He smiles politely back at you  
You stare politely right on through”

I couldn’t help but join her and started singing along as Jesy and Leigh-Anne made background sounds.

“Some sort of wind is to your right  
She goes left   
And you stay right   
Between the lines of fear and blame  
And you begin to wonder why you came!

“Where did I go wrong?   
I lost a friend  
Somewhere along in the bitterness  
And I would’ve stayed up with you all night  
Had I known…  
How to save a life.”

We stopped at that point and the girls squealed. “Whoever said you can’t sing was just freaking jealous! Girl, your voice is hilarious! Seriously!” Leigh-Anne laughed and pulled me into a hug.

I returned her hug but it didn’t feel like when I was hugging Perrie. Jesy also hugged me but Perrie didn’t even look at me. Her eyes were staring on the blue carpet beneath our feet and she seemed to think about something.

Jesy saw me looking at her and nudged our blonde friend. She looked up and again I saw this forced smile of hers. I looked if Jesy and Leigh also saw it but they just returned her smile. The difference: they smiled genuinely.

We all grabbed our microphones and with a last look at Perrie we started singing different songs. At first we sung some everyone on their own but then Jesy suggested making groups. Perrie opened her mouth to call dibs on anyone but Jesy already pulled her close.

“We’ll sing together, alright? We’re gonna beat Leigh and Jade!”

Perrie laughed quietly and I wondered why I was the only one who could see through her poker face even though I only knew her for a couple of days? Shouldn’t Jesy and Leigh be able to tell?

I really wanted to ask her what was the matter but I was afraid she would yell at me because it wasn’t my business. It wasn’t but I cared about Perrie, more than I had ever cared about someone and to be honest… I wanted it to be my business.

We sung another song but Perrie wasn’t as good as before, neither was I. I was really distracted by my thoughts about why Perrie needed to pretend to be alright. She was good at hiding her face behind a mask, though, not even her two best friends seemed to realize it. But shouldn’t she be able to talk to anyone, especially Jesy and Leigh? She still had me, if she wanted to.

“I’m hungry. Perrie, do you have some food?” I asked, looking for an excuse to talk to her. I needed to know what was bothering her.

“Of course! Come with me! Jes, Leigh, you can play on in the meantime.” She winked and gave them a fake bright smile. “What do you want?”

“To know why you’re sad,” I sighed and for a moment her mask fell. Quickly she recovered and put on a forced smile again. “I’m not sad! I’m really happy, you guys are here with me!”

I raised an eyebrow at her. “Pez, I… Perrie. Maybe Jesy and Leigh-Anne can’t see it but you can’t fool me. I just don’t know what’s wrong and why you’re not telling anyone.”

“Because no-one would care,” she said and shrugged, pretending that she could care less. But I could see the tears forming in her eyes.

“I would,” I smiled at her and now she gave me a real smile.

“That’s very nice of you but I’m sure you wouldn’t understand. You are a lucky girl - you’re beautiful, funny, charming… Everyone likes you. You are an amazing girl, really and you have such a nice family. You’re the luckiest girl I know.”

I laughed bitterly. “Me and lucky? No way, I-” I shut my mouth, aware of what I had almost said. I wasn’t ready to tell Perrie yet, I needed to know if she really liked me. “I see why you’re not ready to tell me but you should know that I know when you’re sad. And that I would always listen to you.”

She took a deep breathe before she wiped her eyes. “You are the best friend I ever had… although we don’t know each other for too long.”

I felt a hurtful sting in my heart when she said ‘friend’ but I chose to ignore it. “You became the person I can be carefree with and the person I trust.”

“I love you, Jade!” She giggled an pulled me into a hug. She wrapped one arm around my shoulders and the other around my waist and rested her chin in the crook of my neck. She gave amazing hugs.

I wanted this moment to last forever but suddenly Jesy shouted, “Oh, and Perrie, make me some food, too!”

Perrie chuckled, still holding me close. She unwrapped herself from me and went to the fridge. “So, what do you want? We have nutella, we have carrots, avocados, strawberries, crisps… But crisps isn’t anything to eat… I mean properly!” She chuckled to herself before she shook her head and went on with telling me what was in her fridge.

I eventually made a decision and with two plates of food we went back to Jesy and Leigh. Whilst Jesy and I ate Leigh and Perrie prepared the sofa as a bed for four girls.

When Jes and I had finished we brought back our plates. “Jade?”

“Huh?”

“You know that Perrie likes you a lot, don’t you? She has never invited any other girls to hers, except for us and Louis’ ex girlfriend.” She knit her eyebrow and seemed to be thinking about something. “I… I just want to know what your intentions are.”

I knit my eyebrows in confusion. Intentions? Didn’t a father ask the date of his daughter what ‘his intentions’ in his daughter were, did he?

“See, Perrie is very emotional and she isn’t good at handling break-ups.”

“Break-ups?” I asked confusedly. “What do you mean? That Perrie likes me… umm, more than a friend?” After speaking out the words my cheeks heated up and I felt a warm and relaxing feeling in my chest.

“I don’t know,” she laughed and started washing her table. I guessed she was only looking for an excuse to stay in here longer to talk me. “I just feel very protective over Perrie and you know she’s popular. Boys and girls love her and everyone wants to be her friend so she could have anyone. I’m not telling you that you don’t deserve Perrie’s love because you’re really a lovely girl and I guess we all could be great friends, but… I just wonder why. What she saw in you. There are so many girls in the school who’re desperate to be friends with us, especially Perrie. So… I just want you to know that many girls are jealous over you.” She smiled at me and I had idea what to say.

“Err… thanks.” I decided on a simple answer and smiled at her reassuringly.

“You’re welcome. Now, let’s get back before anyone gets suspicious.” She winked at me and linked our arms to drag me to the living room along with her.

I saw Perrie and Leigh had just sat down so I grabbed one of the pillows from the ground and threw it at the blonde geordie. Instantly she reacted the way I wanted - she grabbed the pillow I had just thrown at her but I ducked and it hit Jesy right in the face.

Perrie laughed and I smiled because she sounded more carefree now and seemed to really enjoy it! Jesy grabbed the pillow and threw it back at Perrie and I was already throwing another at Leigh-Anne.

Soon the pillows were flying around in the room and after a fight of ten minutes and a pillow without feathers inside we all collapsed breathlessly on the sofa.

“Okay, Perrie, I make your nails, you make Jade’s, Jade makes Jesy’s and Jesy makes mine,” Leigh-Anne suggested.

I looked at the clock and saw it was already midnight but I wasn’t tired in the slightest. I was having the time of my life and wanted this night not to end ever! “Okay, but I’ve never made anyone’s nails. I won’t start!”

“Then I will!” My blonde friend squealed and ran into the bathroom. A few seconds later she came back with lots and lots of nail paint, all in different colours. She also brought clear varnish and after about an hour we all had some really nice nails – Perrie had made mine really pretty and she even managed to draw a bow-tie (my favourite accessories) onto my thumbnail.

That moment Perrie’s phone rang and after a look onto her screen she paled even more than she already was but apparently no-one but me seemed to see it. “Excuse me,” she smiled towards and rushed out, into the kitchen.

“What was that?” I asked curiously and Jesy and Leigh just looked at me confused. “What do you mean?” Jesy asked.

“She- never mind…” I muttered and they turned their attention back to the TV. Shouldn’t they recognize it when something was wrong with Pez? Oops, I meant to say Perrie… But anyway, they were her friends for quite a while, I reckoned and only me saw that she was suddenly paling?

Or maybe it was all just my mind which tried to play with me… I don’t know, but something told me there was something wrong with Perrie and I wanted to know what it was.


	5. Chapter 5

I decided to take a shower and Jesy was nice enough to show me where I could find the showers. I turned up the water and after Jesy had left I stripped off and stepped inside. The hot water was running down my skin and I closed my eyes, the water dripping down from my hair.

I breathed out heavily before I smiled slightly. Never had I expected that this could all happen, let alone in only one week. I wasn’t the outsider anymore; no, now I was one of the cool kids, if you wanted to say it like this, and even a boy had asked me out already.

And what about the girls? Perrie seemed to like me from the beginning even though I could see something was wrong with her. Not like she was mental or something although she always was a little bit crazy but that was what people liked about her. It was rather the fact that it looked like she was hiding a secret from everyone and I wanted to know what it was.

But how could I ask her? Sure, we became good friends already and I would call her my best friend but only because she is the only friend I ever had. To her I was maybe just another friend, not even a good friend and that kind of made me sad.

Anyway, I could not just ask her. How stupid would that be? She would only say that it wasn’t my business and then I would’ve ruined the friendship… but I wanted to know so badly. Not because I was simply curious – okay, maybe a bit but that wasn’t the main reason. I wanted to help her. Hiding a secret wasn’t a big deal to me because no-one knew how I had been bullied at my old school but this was something else.

It seemed to eat her from the inside and I really wanted to be there for her. She was there for me, she had made me happy and she had made me to the girl I was at the moment. It was only fair that I helped her with her problems, right?

But the other thing was… what was about Jes and Leigh? Did they really not see what was wrong with Perrie? Or did they just not care about her?

No, scratch that, I am sure they do care about their best friend. That’s what best friends are there for, right?

And here we have it again – best friends. I guess Perrie would tell me if we were better friends… Maybe Jesy and Leigh already knew. Was it about a boy?

I could feel my heart hurt at that thought. What on earth was wrong with me? Whenever I was thinking about Perrie (and maybe it meant something that I was constantly thinking about the Blondie) something inside me was different than when I thought about like my parents or my brother Karl…

“Jade?” A voice asked and I jumped a little. The shower head dropped and the water was shooting around. “Jade, are you okay?” Perrie’s worried voice said.

“Yeh!” I shouted back and turned off the water quickly. “What do you need?”

“Well, err, the girls and I are pretty tired already and we would go to bed now. It’s already three in the morning.” She chuckled and I smiled a little, too. “So, are you finished soon? Leigh doesn’t sleep tight really and she is kind of afraid you’d wake her up.” Her voice got quieter and I could imagine her cheeks flushing pink – she was so cute sometimes!

“Yeh, I’m done already!” I shouted. “Can I take one of those white towels?” I asked and pointed at them although she couldn’t see me.

“Yup! See ya in a sec, we’re waiting downstairs.”

“Alright!” I shouted and grabbed a towel to wrap it around my chest. I stepped out of the hot shower, shivering by the sudden cold. I muttered some swear words and quickly dried my body so I could take on the warming clothes again.

I rushed downstairs and I saw the girls sitting there, Jesy’s eyes half-closed, Perrie was stretching her body and Leigh yawned. “Sorry!” I murmured and took place. Perrie was lying on the right side and I was lying between her and Leigh, Jesy was on the left end.

“Good night, ladies,” Jesy laughed, then she turned around so her back was facing all of us. I felt my eye lids becoming heavier and I yawned and said good night at the same time which made us all chuckle quietly.

***

I had no idea what time it was when I woke up but it was extremely dark and I felt someone’s arms and legs around me. I knew why I had woken up. I wasn’t used to be pressed against someone’s body but it was like I was their teddy – and I didn’t feel like complaining about it.

Two thin arms were wrapped around my upper body, holding me as tight as possible, and a thin leg was between mine, the other upon my legs so my leg was between the other’s person’s. I felt warm and as I breathed in it smelt like tulips. I sighed out, my eyes still closed and I could feel the person’s hair tingle my face.

I wanted to remove their hair but I couldn’t move and I was afraid to make the person pull back from me. Was this… cuddling?

A smile crept onto my face and I wrapped my arms around the other person. They were thin but a bit taller than me (which wasn’t a big deal since I was like the shortest person ever). I opened my eyes but I could really see nothing.

But soon I knew it could only be Perrie.

Wait, Perrie?!

Why was the thought of cuddling with Perrie suddenly so… weird? I shrieked a bit and could feel her moan. She pulled back from me and I could hear her murmur something. “What’s the time?” She asked.

“Dunno…” I murmured shyly and I knew that my cheeks were burning hot. I was glad she couldn’t see my right now because I was so extremely confused! Something was happening to me; something that had never been happening but I couldn’t tell what it was.

I wanted to say anything but I couldn’t… It was like I didn’t know anymore how to pronounce words, not even letters and let alone entire sentences.

“Go back to sleep then, babe…” She murmured and turned around again and I felt her back pressed to my back. She grabbed my arm and put it around her waist so I would her tight and I felt my cheeks heating even more.

“Yeah, but… I… I, err need to pee…” I murmured and she sighed. “You know where it is?” She asked tiredly and yawned.

I nodded and murmured a quiet yes before I removed my arm from her waist and stood up. As quiet as I could I walked towards the bathrooms and switched on the light. I blinked, blinded by the sudden brightness, but soon I was used to it and breathed out heavily, leaning over the sink. What the hell?!

I looked at my face – as I thought it was bright red and I had a weird expression on my face I had never seen again. I wanted to go back to tell Perrie what was…… wait, why Perrie? Couldn’t I also go to Jesy or Leigh? Or shouldn’t it be my mum I wanted to talk to?

Why Perrie? I only knew her for like a week, not even seven days… So, what made her so special? Why did I want to go back to the living room, lie down on the sofa and cuddle myself into Perrie like we had been cuddling before?

You like her.

My eyes widened as the thought struck my mind and I shook my head. I couldn’t like Perrie, could I? She also was a girl and I didn’t know her for long. No, that was ridiculous. It was just because Perrie was the first person that has ever been nice to me, apart from my family.

Admit it already, you like her more than just a good friend.

Again I shook my head. That wasn’t true! It couldn’t be…

“Jade?”

“Huh?” I asked, jumping a little by Perrie’s voice.

“Are you okay?”

“Sure I am… w-why shouldn’t I?” I asked, my heartbeat suddenly racing. What was going on here? This wasn’t even normal anymore! Something was wrong with me –and I surely was not in love with Perrie.

“Because you’re in there for almost half an hour now. You sure, you okay?”

My eyes widened – half an hour already?! “Erm, yeah, I really am okay. Thank you, Pez.”

“No problem. If you need anything, call me, okay? I’ll come and help you.”

My heart skipped a beat and I sunk to the ground, hiding my face in my hands. I didn’t know anymore what the hell was going on with me, my head was almost pounding but not painfully. It was just filled with questions I couldn’t answer.

Why was my heart racing?

Why did I want to cuddle with her?

Why would I want to kiss her?

What, no! That didn’t just flash my mind! That was just because I was already getting paranoid… Everything was alright… I was just overreacting.

Suddenly I heard someone sob and my head snapped up. I listened again as a silent sob escaped someone’s mouth. I quickly got up, unlocked the bathroom’s door and went out to where I had heard the sobs.

“Perrie?” I asked confused as I saw her sitting on the ground, her legs pulled into her chest and her head resting on her knees. “What’s the problem?” I asked again as she didn’t say anything and sat down next to her on the cold floor.

“It’s nothing…” She murmured and wiped her eyes, quickly putting on a smile.

“Perrie, I’ve seen this all week now…” I said. I couldn’t keep in any longer what I wanted to ask so badly. I knew something was bothering her. “I can see it that you’re sometimes forcing a smile and that you’re not always truly happy. I saw it the day I was coming to this school.” I smiled sadly and she looked at me wide-eyed. “You should know… that you can trust me with every problem. I would not tell anyone if you wanted me to keep it.”

She smiled and wrapped her arms around me to hug me. “Jade, I don’t think there is anyone in this world who is a better human than you are… You are… friendly, open minded, funny… everything anyone could ever ask for. What are you doing here with me? I know Liam asked you out for tonight… Why didn’t you say yes?”

“Because you’re my friend,” I smiled and I felt weird, calling her my friend. “Friends before guys, right? And it seems like you’d need a friend. Now come on, tell me what’s wrong.”

She breathed out heavily and hugged me once more before she got up. “It’s okay, really. But thank you, Jay. You’re an amazing girl.” She kissed my cheek and left me on the ground. The skin she had touched with her lips was burning and I couldn’t help but touch my cheek.

My fingers grazed over the skin softly and I felt myself smiling awkwardly.

Okay, I admit it.

I fancy Perrie.


	6. Chapter 6

I didn’t want to make Perrie think about why I was still sitting on the floor, rubbing my cheek ever so softly so I quickly got up and followed her to the living room. We lay down again and almost immediately she wrapped her thin arms around me and soon her breath was quieter and slower; she fell asleep which gave me time to collect my thoughts.

How was this possible?

Perrie was a girl… and I was a girl, too. I shouldn’t be able to fall in love with her, that wasn’t human and totally abnormal. Maybe I was just overreacting because… well, why were I overreacting?

I sighed and breathed in deeply – Perrie’s scent was all around me and a smile crept onto my face even though I didn’t want it to be there. I didn’t know what it was, but Perrie’s arms around me made me feel secure and safe and that was the best feeling I’ve ever had.

Perrie was the strong, tough girl which would kick your butt when you would talk bad about her and that was what I adored about her. I could’ve never been that strong but she made me… she changed something in me. She was there for me and she was the first one I was sure I could talk to when I needed.

I leant back a bit more so my back was pressed against her chest and she breathed out (happily, I reckoned?) and snuggled her head into the crook of my neck. Her hot breath was stroking my naked skin and with every breath she made chills ran down my spine. It was still nice and I felt my heart racing.

I would never want to move away from my spot in her arms and if I had to I would want to be like this every night. Or every day. Or both would be perfect.

I sighed again as I re-thought about what was going through my mind right now. Why was this all so stupid? All I wanted was to have a friend… why did I have to fall for her?

I was thinking about Perrie more than I should in this night and I still couldn’t stop when I felt her moving beside me, showing me she was slowly waking up. I shut my eyes and she breathed out. She coughed a little – I guess she had some of my hair in her mouth… – and then I felt her smiling (her head was still buried into my neck) and she breathed out again.

The grip of her hand tightened around me and my breath hitched and my heart, which hadn’t managed to slow down yet, started beating even faster. She closed her eyes and seemed to enjoy the moment and my body was going crazy.

“Perrie, you awake?” Another voice murmured and Perrie removed her arms from me to look at Leigh-Anne who seemed to be wide awake already.

“Yeh, what’s the time?” Perrie asked sleepily and yawned, and then she stretched her body. Suddenly I felt something hit my shoulder and yelped in pain. I was one of those persons who would get a bruise if you only touched them with a little too much pressure and I also couldn’t handle pain very well.

“Gosh, I’m sorry, Jay!” Perrie squealed and I heard someone moaning.

I turned around and looked at Perrie, who was staring at me wide-eyed and with her hand covering her perfect lips… Ugh, stop it, Jade.

Leigh-Anne was smiling at me sympathetically and Jesy hid her face beneath her pillow. Guess either mine or Perrie’s shouts woke her up.

“Err… it is half past nine,” Leigh answered finally and Perrie nodded.

“Sorry again, Jade, I really didn’t mean it, okay?” She looked at me worried and with a smile I shook my head, showing her I was okay. “Don’t worry, Pez, I’m alright.”

She breathed out relieved and then smiled brightly at us. “So, we still have time until two pm – then my parents and Jonnie come home.” She smiled at me as I shot the girl – except for Jesy who was still hiding herself beneath the pillow – a confused look. “Jonnie is my brother. My whole family has been away but I wanted to stay here.” I could swear, for a second I saw her frowning but as quickly it was there as quickly it was gone already. “So, we can eat breakfast and then Leigh will make lunch. She is fantastic at making lunch!” She clapped a little and Leigh rolled her eyes at the blonde.

I know, it was ridiculous but something about the way Perrie complimented Leigh made me feel… worthless? It didn’t even make any sense why but I just was.

“Seriously, could you please all shut up?!” Jesy asked annoyed and threw the pillow away. It landed right in Perrie’s face and she fell backwards, her back hitting my knees. We both yelped and then Perrie grabbed the pillow for revenge. She threw it towards Jesy, who was quickly creating protection with her hands and the pillow kind of bumped away from her hands and landed on Leigh-Anne.

“No!” I exclaimed and sighed. I was way too tired for a pillow fight but none of the girls would listen to me and within seconds I was hit by a few pillows already. I groaned and gave in, grabbing the closest pillow to me and threw it across the room. It hit Jesy straight in the face and immediately I found myself tackled to the ground. Perrie was above me – she had saved me from Jesy’s attack and I could feel my cheeks turning deep red. “Thanks,” I murmured breathlessly.

Perrie chuckled and got up from me. “Sorry, I must be really heavy if you don’t even can breathe,” she laughed and looked around. “Seems like Jesy and Leigh fled. They always build a team against me! But today I’ve you!” She cheered and winked at me before she held out her hand for me, showing me to high-five.

“Okay, what are we doing now?” I asked and yawned again. I was really tired and I really should’ve slept at least a little more but I just… I couldn’t. My mind was way too busy to come down a bit and let me fall asleep.

“Aww, someone’s still tired,” Perrie squealed and whispered at the same time. She looked around and then smiled at me. “They’ll come back. We can make some breakfast for only the two of us, ‘kay?” She went her way to another room and quickly I followed her. It was weird but I felt awkward when she wasn’t near me. I needed to know she was there for me, no matter how cheesy that sounded.

“Okay, pancakes, cereals, ham and eggs… What do you want?” She smiled at me and flashed me her perfect white teeth and her blue eyes sparkled in the bright light of the kitchen. My heart skipped a beat and I bit my lip – this wasn’t good and I cursed my body silently for all the reactions it showed towards Perrie.

“Err… I think I’ll go for cereals with milk,” I murmured quietly and she pointed at a chair, motioning me to take a seat. I watched her as she turned around and looked up upon the big shelf – on top stood the cereals and she stood onto her tiptoes and stretched her arms to get it. She struggled to get it and stretched herself even more so her shirt revealed some of her skin.

Of course I looked there and gaped as I saw a red mark trailing down her waist and disappearing into her pants. “What’s that?” I asked before I could stop myself.

Finally Perrie had gotten the cereals and slowly turned around to smile at me – but again I could tell this smile she showed me was not her real smile. I could see her eyes were hiding something from me. “What?” She asked smiling and put the cereals on the table.

“This,” I said and pointed at her waist where I had seen the red mark.

“Oh, this!” She said laughing and went to the fridge to get some milk. “Just lately we were rebuilding the room of my elder brother and there were glass shreds on the floor. My mum had wanted to put some flowers into his room but he’s such a boy and didn’t want any and so he threw the vase towards her but of course she didn’t catch it… that’s my mum.” She giggled and poured some of the food in two bowls. She went to a drawer and got out some spoons. “I am really the clumsiest person on earth and I slipped and fell onto the shreds…” She shuddered and took a spoonful of the cereals into her mouth. “This happened like… what, I think last weekend?”

I nodded but to be honest something about the way she avoided my gaze when she told me the story made me rethink about it… I didn’t know why she would tell me a lie but I just felt something about this wasn’t true. Maybe some parts but not the whole story.

But after seeing her crying yesterday I didn’t really felt like asking her. Something was wrong with Perrie and I really had no idea what it was. But I would figure it out some day…

Suddenly Jesy and Leigh burst into the kitchen breathlessly. “We were looking for you two everywhere and you are here eating! I thought we would be fighting!” Leigh-Anne said and plopped down next to me. She pouted and Perrie and I chuckled.

“You two always fight against me. But now I have a partner in crime too!” The blonde geordie laughed triumphantly and put her arm around my shoulder. She winked at me and I felt my heart racing inside my chest. My palms became sweaty but somehow I managed to smirk at Jesy and Leigh-Anne.

“Okay, then you will get no food today!” Leigh-Anne said and shrugged.

“Hey, that’s not fair,” Perrie pouted and I swear, if I was Leigh-Anne, I would’ve died right away. How could someone resist those puppy eyes?

Her lower lip was slightly pushed forward, her eyes almost teary and her cheeks slightly flushed pink… This was seriously the most adorable think you could ever witness. “You know, I need my food or else I’m going to grumpy all day long! You need to cook for me! I’ll make you cereals too!” She smiled innocently and Leigh sighed.

“Okay, if you really make me breakfast I’ll cook for you… maybe.”

“Yay!” Perrie squealed and jumped up, doing a short happy dance which made us all giggle. How could someone have that much energy in their body to make everyone around happy? She got a bowl for Leigh and came back, sitting next to us.

“So, are we going to do anything tomorrow?” Jesy asked and looked around. In her hand she had a few cereals and was munching on them with a smile.

“I think…” Perrie started and grinned at me knowingly, “… we should do something with the boys tomorrow. You know, invite Zayn, Niall, Harry, Louis and Liam over.” She emphasised Liam’s name and I suppressed the urge to roll my eyes.

“Ooh, why Liam?” Jesy asked and looked at Perrie with big eyes. “I always thought you and Zayn…”

Perrie giggled and looked over to me. Her blue eyes locked with mine and again my heart skipped a beat. “Ha-ha, neither nor! I don’t wanna invite them for me… Just having fun with the boys. We haven’t done much with them, especially since Harry and Louis started dating.”

Jesy giggled. “Those two are so cute!” She smiled at shoved another handful of the cereals into her mouth. When she had swallowed she shook her head. “I knew when I saw them the first time together. I guess secretly they liked each other from the very first day but were too shy to admit it… I just hope this never happens to me! I mean, who cares if they are both boys? Love is love.”

I felt my cheeks turning red and quickly turned to my bowl but it seemed like none of the girls were paying attention.

“Yeh, that’d be really sad…” I heard Perrie mumble and my heart started racing again. Of course my mind was playing tricks with me and told me she liked me back but my mind was at the end winning. Maybe she had a crush on Zayn, like Jesy had just said. And I had heard Zayn liked her too and maybe they liked each other and were too shy to admit it and that was what made Perrie thinking.

Why should she even think about me when it comes to love?

I’m way to annoying. My voice was high, my laugh was too high, my eyes were too big, I was too small, my proportions were weird, I was weird in general. I mean, if I wasn’t why would people bully me after all? Something about it must be true though.

“Okay, then,” Leigh smiled as she had finished her food before me. “Let’s call the boys and ask them if they are free tomorrow.”


	7. Chapter 7

“Okay, where are we going?”

“No idea,” Perrie laughed and chills ran down my spine. Okay, seriously, Thirlwall stop this. “We thought you guys had an idea.”

I looked over to Perrie again and like so often I thought something was wrong. She looked really tired today, like she could fall asleep every second. I really wanted to know what was bothering her but I never found the courage…

“You are funny,” Harry said and laughed. “You invite us and then you don’t know what to do? Come on, you must’ve an idea.”

“Nope,” Leigh-Anne answered. “We were just extremely bored and we thought it’d be nice to spend some time with you again. We haven’t really done much together lately, outside school, you know. So… here we are.”

I felt Liam’s eyes on me and smiled at him. He suddenly blushed and turned away quickly. I suppressed a sigh – he was really cute and that stuff… but I just didn’t return his feelings and in some way I felt guilty for that. I never had to reject anybody and just now I didn’t feel ready for it. Hopefully the crush he seemed to have on me would fade away…

“We could go to the cinema,” Niall suggested. His accent was thick Irish, like always, and in some way it made me smile. My accent was also a bit different to the others somehow and it was good to know that I wasn’t the only one with a weird accent (mine was, Niall’s was adorable!)

“Watch which movie?” Louis asked and wrapped his arm around Harry’s shoulder.

“Hm… what’s playing today?” Jesy asked and grinned around.

“Let me check,” Zayn smiled and got out his blackberry. I was rather jealous of him because they all got those super cool smartphones, iPhones or blackberries and I had a nokia… and it didn’t even show pictures or anything. You couldn’t make photos. The highlight of it was that it least was coloury and not black-and-white.

“What To Expect When You’re Expecting,” he read out loud. “It’s a romantic comedy.” He looked up and smiled. “Sounds nice?”

“What is it about?” Perrie asked and smiled again, causing my heart to race yet again.

“Okay, there stands… A look at love through the eyes of five interconnected couples experiencing the thrills and surprises of having a baby, and ultimately coming to understand the universal truth that no matter what you plan for, life doesn’t always deliver what’s expected,” he read out loud and looked up at us again. “They play it in half an hour so we would need to hurry if we wanted to get there in time.”

“Okay, let’s vote. Who wants to go?” Leigh-Anne asked and raised her hand herself.

Louis, Harry, Liam, Niall, Perrie, Leigh, Jesy, Zayn and I raised our hands and looked at Niall expectantly. “C’mon, it’s surely funny!” I tried to convince him and blushed red because my voice was higher than normally; it was always like this when I was excited.

Niall sighed and raised his hand too, looking at us suspiciously. “Okay, but only because obviously outvoted.” He sighed and got up from his seat. He pulled up his pants properly. “What are you waiting for? You wanted to see it, so let’s go!”

“Who’s driving?”

“We’re gonna need two cars or two taxis,” Zayn said and looked around.

“I’ll be able to drive five of us,” Louis offered and grabbed Harry’s hand, showing there would only be four more people able to drive with him.

“I can drive some people too,” Jesy offered and Leigh linked arms with her.

“I will drive with Louis,” Niall and Zayn said in unison.

“I’ll drive with Jesy,” Liam smiled and Perrie and I nodded in agreement. I only wanted to drive with Jesy too because Perrie would be there but I felt awkward because I guessed I would be sitting next to Liam.

And I was right – Jesy and Leigh took their seats in the front and Liam was really a gentleman; he opened the door for me and I slipped in, sitting in the middle and soon I found myself between the boy who fancied me and the girl I fancied. Duh.

Anyway, we drove away right then and there and I started chatting with Liam (or let’s say he started talking to me).

“How are you?” He asked politely and I had to admit that it was really adorable that he was somehow shy towards me. I mean, no boy ever had even laid an eye on me so Liam’s “feelings” towards me made me feel really, really good.

“I am good, what about you?” I asked nicely and felt Perrie’s eyes on me. Probably she smiled like an idiot now because she seemed to want that Liam and I would get together.

“Yeh, I’m great,” he smiled and scratched the back of his neck. His cheeks were fluttered a little pink. “You look very good today.”

I giggled quietly and blushed deeply red. “Aww, thank you a lot, Lili!” Don’t judge me, Lili wasn’t my invention! It seemed to be Liam’s all-known nickname so I thought I’d use it too. “You don’t look to bad yourself today!”

“He he, thank you…” He murmured and quickly looked away but I could still see the red patches on both his cheeks. “Err, I heard you are really good in physics…”

I nodded and bit my lower lip, waiting for him to go. Yes, it was true, I was rather good in physics (and pretty every subject) but that was only because the only things I could spend my Saturday- and Friday-nights were books. So, how am I supposed to be bad at school when I did nothing really but learning and reading?

“Well… my mum said I would need a tutor because my marks become worse and I thought… err, that… you maybe… could become my tutor…?” He looked me into the eyes and surprised I raised an eyebrow. Yes, I were the tutor for some people from my school already but never voluntarily. The teacher had asked me to and before I could protest I had to do it. The thing was, the people I tutored didn’t care about being tutored and so everything I did was doing their homework and stuff. You might think now ‘Why is she so stupid and does the homework for people who don’t even like her?’

Well, the question is easily answered – the first one seemed to be nice and she asked me really nicely to do her homework and of course I was so stupid to think we could become friends when I only did this all for her. But of course she talked bad about me behind my back and told everyone that I was her little slave.

The second threatened to beat me up when I didn’t do his homework.

And the third pretended to be my friend. He was really nice and after school he would drive me home to do some homework. Once he even told me he really liked me and wanted to kiss me and I was extremely happy but the next day he had told everyone he had ‘fucked me into the mattress’ and again I was the one you’d pick out to bully. Now I wasn’t only the nerdy girl no-one liked but also the one who would sleep around – when he just pecked my cheeks! But of course everyone would rather believe him than me.

“Um… yeh, why not?” I asked unsure and he smiled brightly.

He was not like any of the people I had tutored so far and maybe it would be nice. He was a friend of mine (or that was what I thought) and I knew Perrie and also the other girls would be with me when he did anything to me like the last guy…

“We’re here!” Jesy cheered and we all went out.

Liam quickly got out and reached out for my hand and with a sheepish smile I grabbed it and let him pull me out. “Do you want popcorn or something to drink?” He asked and smiled at me.

“Yeh, I’ll get me something then. Do you want something too?”

“Yep. What do you want?”

“Err, salty popcorn and a coke. Wait, we should get the tickets first.” I smiled as he already wanted to go to the food counter.

He handed me some money and smiled. “Would you please get my ticket please? I’ll get the food first. If this is okay for you.”

“Yeh, sure, wait, I’ll give you some money and then you can pay my food, too,” I smiled and already opened up my purse but he laid his hand on mine to stop me. “No, it’s okay, I’ll pay for you.”

“But- no!” I protested but it didn’t help – he already was on his way to the food counter and already ordered. I sighed and went over to the ticket counter to get two tickets for the movie and then towards the rest, who had already gotten their tickets as I had been talking to Liam.

Jesy wiggled her eyebrows knowingly and I just shook my head and smiled it off. Soon Liam joined us and handed me my food. “You’ll get your money in the auditorium,” I smiled but he just shook his head with a big smile on his face.

“You are adorable, Jade. You don’t owe me anything, I liked to pay for you, okay?” He looked up and saw the others were leaving already. “Shall we go or do you want to stay out here all alone?”

I chuckled and followed him and the others inside. I was looking for Perrie and sat down next to her. She smiled at me and leant over to whisper into my ear: “God, you and Liam look sooo cute together! Take a chance and do something! He totally likes you!”

I sighed and looked next to me where Liam sat again. It was still awkward sitting between those two but I really wanted to sit next to Perrie and Liam really seemed to like being near me. What should I do?

I mean, I liked Liam and if there wasn’t Perrie I’d surely take the opportunity and flirt with him… but the thing was… there was Perrie. And I really, really liked her a lot.

The movie was funny and cute at times and I enjoyed it – mostly when I heard Perrie giggle next to me. She was so adorable, seriously. All the time I was secretly hoping she would grab my hand and entwine our fingers but I knew it wouldn’t happen. Sometimes she removed a stroke of her platinum blonde hair because it had fallen into her face and I always had to suppress a sigh. She was really… I couldn’t describe it really. It was just so frustrating sitting so close to her and still not able to touch her the way I wanted.

I looked to the other side next to me and saw Liam smiling at me sheepishly. His smile turned bigger when he saw me and then he turned his attention back to the screen.

***

After the movie Perrie drove with Louis so it was only me, Jesy, Leigh and Liam in the car and of course Leigh took her place next to Jesy, leaving me in the back alone with Liam. “So, I thought we should exchange numbers,” he said, smiling again. “So I can call you or you can call me when you want to learn… or when you’re free.”

“Alright,” I smiled and gave him my phone; he gave me his. Quickly I typed in my number and gave it back to him. The rest of the drive we all were silent but I could see Leigh was glancing into rear mirror and she grinned like a Cheshire Cat.

“Liam, should I drop you at home or should we first drop Jade?” Jesy asked and looked back at us for a second.

“I don’t mind, you can bring her home first. I am in no rush,” he smiled and glanced at me for a second.

Jes nodded and we drove to my house. “Was nice with you guys,” I smiled and wanted to open the door but Liam was already there to help me out again. “Good bye,” he smiled. He didn’t back away as he dragged me out of the car so we were now standing really close.

“Err… bye,” I said awkwardly and with a shy smile I went away. Before I ran up the path to my house I looked back again and saw him just taking his seat in the car again.

“Who was this?” My mum asked suddenly and I jumped a mile. “Mum! You scared the hell out of me!”

She chuckled and shook her head smiling. She looked were the car drove away and then back at me. “So, baby, who was this guy? Was this Liam?”

My cheeks started burning deep red and I nodded. “Yeh, but it’s not like that!” I said and put my face into my hand because I was so embarrassed. “We’re just friends, okay?”

“But he seems to like you and he’s a real gentleman! If he asks you out you should say yes, I’d be so happy for you, Jadey!”

I rolled my eyes at the nickname she had never put away, not even when I begged her. Hopefully she would never say it in front of any of the boys or girls! “I’m going upstairs, mum…” I murmured and ran upstairs.

Just as I wanted to let myself onto my bed and think about all the good (but also weird stuff) that has happened today my phone buzzed, signalling me that I got a text message. “Hey, are you home already? Didn’t want to worry about you. –Pxx”


	8. Chapter 8

On Monday Perrie didn’t go to school. I asked Leigh and Jesy and even Zayn where she was but they all said that she was one of those persons who happened to be ill like every month at least three times. So I asked the teachers to give me the stuff we did in school so I could bring it to Perrie’s.

So after school I took the bus to Perrie’s house and went up the driveway. The curtains were all drawn and as I rang I heard a female voice shout, “Jonnie, go open the door!”

“Go yourself!” A male voice shouted back and I knitted my eyebrows. Looked like they just had an argument or so…

The door got pulled open and I got “greeted” by a woman around forty. Her hair was rather messy and right now she had a cigarette between her middle- and index finger. Her eyes were surrounded by tons of makeup and her lips were shining bright red. She raised an eyebrow at me. “Who are you?”

“Err, I am Jade,” I said and put on a smiled, trying to sound as polite as possible. “I go to school with Perrie and I-”

“Perrie!” The woman shouted into the house before I could finish the sentence?

“Yes, mum?” Perrie’s voice asked and I had to admit sounded a bit raspy, as if she had been using her voice too much.

“There is someone for you.”

I heard some weird noises and within seconds Perrie was at the door. Her eyes went wide as she saw me and then she looked at her mum. “I’ll be right back, okay? You can go back in, if you want to, mum.”

The woman nodded and went back into the house, right after she had shut the door. Now Perrie was standing out with me and I was worried about her – she was sick and still was standing out here only in her PJs. “You should go back in…” I said and bit the corner of my lip. “You shouldn’t get any sicker.”

Perrie’s kind of shocked expression faded away and got replaced by a grateful smile. Before I knew what was happening she wrapped her arms around me and hugged me tightly. I could feel the vanilla in her hair but just as I wanted to take a deep breath she had pulled away already. “Thank you, Jade,” she smiled at me, showing me her white teeth. “But it’s okay, it’s not that cold after all.” She looked back to the house, bit her lip and then smiled at me. “Sooo, err, what are you doing here?”

I opened up my schoolbag and pulled out the stuff for Perrie. “I thought you could need all this stuff…” I handed it to her and she looked at the papers surprised. “Thank you!” She smiled again and I felt my heart racing. This was her true smile, the one she gave me when I did something for her, or just when I said something that made her laugh. I would kill to see this smile upon her face every day. “You wouldn’t have had to come here…” I could see her cheeks starting to turn a little rosé as she looked down at the papers in her hands.

“Oh, never mind,” I said. “I also wanted to check up on you. Are you okay or do you need anything?” I asked and smiled warmly at her.

She looked up at me in surprise again and shook her head. Her eyes showed me something like disbelief but also something else I couldn’t read. “Wow, you’re an amazing friend! I don’t know how I can make this up to you! And no, thank you, I don’t need anything… I’m just having a cold and a cough.” She smiled a bit before she cleared her throat. “As you can hear by my voice… it sounds really odd, sorry for that…” She smiled sheepishly but again there was something in her eyes that showed me she was hiding something from me.

“Yeh…” I smiled awkwardly, trying to read on her face but she was constantly turning her attention to the house. “I should better get back in quickly before I really become ill then.” She smiled and pulled me into a hug once again.

I patted her back and she winced. “Sorry, I am just a bit over-sensitive when I am sick,” she said and sniffled before she pulled back from me.

I nodded but back in my mind I really wondered what was wrong. I mean, I had hardly touched her… I was just probably just over thinking. She sighed deeply, and then she waved at me and walked back to the house. She closed the door behind her and I looked at where she had left for one more second, then I went away.

Something was definitely wrong with Perrie and I would find out what it was.

***

“Hey, you are back!” I smiled happily as I saw Perrie coming through the door and she waved at me before sitting down next to me. She yawned then wrapped her arm sloppily around my shoulder. She stretched her muscles and then smiled again. “Yeh, I am… How are you? I missed you.”

We both chuckled quietly but my heart started racing again and chills ran down my spine. “Missed you too,” I said and tried to sound as casual as possible and tried to keep a rather straight face. “And I am fine… you look tired,” I said worried.

She shrugged. “Yeh, but it’s okay. So, how are you and Liam going? Already had a date?” Her face didn’t show any emotion but that could probably be because she was tremendously tired. Had she even slept tonight?

“No,” I said and shook my head. It was somehow hurting to know she wanted me to be with someone else so badly… “I didn’t call him and he didn’t either.”

Right that moment three boys walked in, them being Niall, Zayn – and Liam. I felt a little awkward with him now but I always tried to stay nice and polite and not to hurt him. Somehow he had become my best male friend here and in the days where Perrie wasn’t in school he was the one to talk to me at lunch. I felt comfortable with him… but it wasn’t enough. I know it was probably useless to be in love with Perrie because she would never return my feelings but no matter how hard I tried, I just didn’t see anything like this in Liam. Whenever I was with him I thought about her blonde hair, her blue eyes, which were so different to his dark eyes…

“Hi, Jade,” Liam said and then waved at Perrie before he sat down next to me. Zayn and Perrie exchanged a quick hug which made me bit my lower lip. I didn’t like how close those two were even though I had no right to feel jealous. They were friends for so much longer already… but what if Jesy was right and those would end up in a relationship?

I sighed and turned around so I was now facing Liam. “Hey, how are you?” He asked smiling and put down his schoolbag before he leant against the table. He smiled down at me, supporting his body with his hands clenched around the edge of the table.

“Good, what about you?”

“I am good, too. I thought… maybe we could learn today? I soon have a test and it surely wouldn’t be too bad if we started a bit earlier already, would it?” He suddenly was shy again, his cheeks fluttered pink and his eyes sparkling. Did I look like this too when I was talking to Perrie?

“Yeh, sure! Err, when exactly? Because after the lunch break we have PE.” I sighed deeply. I mean, not that I hated PE but… it was just… okay, I hated it.

“I could get you then after the lesson? You know, I am already eighteen.” He flashed me a grin and I nodded.

Well, let’s have a learn date with Liam…

***

“I don’t wanna have sports now…” Perrie murmured and grabbed my arm so I was stopping. I looked at her and smiled sympathetically. I linked our arms and again my heart was racing but I just tried to ignore it.

“Me neither but sadly we have to…” I sighed and dragged her with me. Just saying, this wasn’t easy. I mean, Perrie wasn’t big or anything, it was just the fact that she was stronger than me and taller. It’s like a mole would drag an elephant along! Okay, maybe this was too much… but still!

“Please, Jade…” She pouted and now she pulled so strong on my arm that I just had to stop.

“We can’t just go home! We need to go to sports. Surely it won’t be this bad. Now, come on!” I smiled at her and eventually she gave in. Still she didn’t really mind going on her feet herself so it was still rather complicated. When we were finally at the changing room I had already done enough sports for a week!

“I’ll change at the toilets,” she smiled and already headed towards the toilets.

“Wait, why?” I asked confused.

She looked down at her body and bit her lip. She didn’t say a word but the way she looked down herself already made me know what she meant. “How dare you?!” I asked shocked. “Do you seriously think your body isn’t pretty?! You are!”

“Thank you,” she smiled and her cheeks turned bright red. She moved her hands in front of her body and sighed. “But I don’t wanna change with all those people… It makes me feel uncomfortable.”

“Okay,” I said and sighed, shaking my head. She was maybe one of the most perfect girl I had ever seen and she didn’t like herself! Wow, that really was hard for me to believe! “I’ll come with you.”

“Err… no, you really don’t need to. I always change alone in the toilets. I’m sure Leigh and Jesy are already waiting for you, you should go inside.” Again she turned around to walk away from me but I just followed her. She sighed and bit her lower lip but she sighed and locked the door as we both stood in the only free cabin. The others were empty too but they were locked because whenever a toilet wasn’t working they would lock the cabin.

“Okay…” Perrie said and sighed. Since we were together in a small cabin it was like really small and I could hardly breathe. It was rather more the fact that I was so extremely close to Perrie and my heart was racing, than the fact that it was indeed narrow. “I… I need to tell you something before we change…” She bit her lower lip and suddenly her eyes were shimmering; tears were waiting to escape.

“What?! Why are you crying, what’s the problem?” I asked shocked and my heart felt like breaking into pieces. Who would make her cry?

She giggled and wiped away the single tear that had escaped already. “You are so cute, Jade… That’s why I tell you. I have never told this anyone before… Not Jes, not Leigh and not Zayn. Because I never had to. And I wasn’t sure how they would react but I’ve the feeling I can trust you with this, although we only know for like a week and a half…”

She took another deep breath and sat down on the closed toilet bowl. Then she wrapped her arms around her torso until her arms were at the hem of her shirt and she pulled it up until she was only left in her bra. I gaped at what I saw – dozens of red marks trailed down her entire stomach, down into her pants. She didn’t look at me and her hands were in her lap. She had her head down and since I was still standing I couldn’t see her face. “I need to tell anyone now… I cannot take this anymore and I beg you not to tell anyone… Please, don’t tell… No-one would think the same of me anymore.”

I reached out and grabbed one of her hands as I went onto my knees so I was eye level with her. “No worries, Pezza,” I said and smiled sympathetically. “Your secret is safe with me. Just tell me… where you got them from.”

She breathed out shakily as the tears fell down her cheeks, right onto her lap and sometimes falling onto our hands, but I really didn’t care. I just wanted to know what was wrong with her. “Cigarettes… belts… everything that would hurt.”

“But… why? And who?”

Before she answered she raised her head and her blue eyes were staring back into mine. The white of her eyes was reddened but the blue was still sparkling. Before she did answer me I already knew who had done this to her and I had to hold back the urge to gag. How could someone do this to another person? It was just cruel and nothing else.

“My family.”


	9. Chapter 9

“Okay… I’ll tell you what really happened. How I got these scars…” Perrie breathed out shakily and the grip around my small hands became almost painful, but I let her have her way. If this was what she needed I would give it to her. “Well, we weren’t really making things in Jonnie’s room new. But the part about the vase is true,” she laughed bitterly and with her other hand she wiped her eyes. “Mum and Jonnie had an argument about god knows so he decided to throw a vase at her. Mum grabbed me by my arm and pulled me in front of her so the vase…” She breathed out again and I brushed my thumb across her cheek.

“Pez, you don’t need to tell me, really,” I smiled sadly at her. She raised her head ever so slightly so she could look at me and a small smile crept upon her face. Although her eyes were puffy and her makeup smudged this smile was genuine and caused my heart to skip a beat.

“I want to…” She murmured and breathed out again, trying to calm herself. “It’s just really hard.” She looked away again, as if she couldn’t look me in the eyes whilst talking about it. She seemed to be ashamed of it and I felt anger building up inside me. Perrie’s mum didn’t leave a good impression on when I first met her but I had never thought she would use her one and only daughter, her own child, to protect herself. If I was a mother I would rather protect my children.

“It wasn’t too bad though,” she said and I gasped. “Not too bad?!” I asked in shock and anger. “This is very bad!”

“Shush!” Perrie looked at me pleadingly and I didn’t care if we would miss sports now. “Please, I don’t want anyone to hear us… Please, Jade…”

I nodded and stroke her cheek again, trying to comfort her a bit. It was hard for me to see Perrie like this but at the same time I admired her for not talking about this ever. She was the strongest person I had ever seen and this was one of the reasons I loved her for – her flawless body and face and her amazing laughter, those perfect lips and legs, those petite hands and everything else that made Perrie Perrie were just plus-points.

“On the weekend my parents and Jonnie drove somewhere when I was at school, leaving a note that they would be home the next day after midday. They are doing this quite a lot so I knew it already and I always use these days to have sleepovers. Mostly my parents don’t recognize it when I invited the girls over but yesterday they somehow found out… Don’t ask me why.” She breathed out again and more tears formed in her eye. I wanted her to stop but before I could even open my mouth she was talking again, “And they… thought they had to punish me. Mum’s favourite punishment is cigarettes.” Again she laughed bitterly. I flinched as an image struck my mind – Perrie’s mum pressing her fag onto Perrie’s stomach, not minding the screams that escaped the girl’s mouth and again I felt like I had to throw up. “Dad has this belts he hardly wears, and he mostly uses them for occasions like this because they hurt more than the ones he wears more often. When Jonnie… was around fifteen he had made a party when our parents where gone and I remember he wasn’t able to rest on his back for a week…”

“Perrie…” I sighed as she didn’t say anything for a few minutes. I squeezed her hand and she winced a bit so I immediately let go off her. “Sorry…” I muttered and she smiled a little. “I… I really don’t know what to say… You deserve so much better… Why did you never tell anyone? Someone could’ve helped you…”

“I like the life I have in school… I don’t want to give it up for something I hate… Please, Jade, you told me you wouldn’t tell anyone, please,” she whimpered and I felt my heart breaking into a million pieces. I felt so useless, so… I had no words for it, I was overwhelmed, but in a bad way. I was so extremely sorry for her!

“I won’t Perrie, I promise,” I whispered and pulled her into a hug to calm her down. Her sobs were filling the air and the tears streamed down both our faces as I tried to comfort her – which wasn’t really easy since I could’ve needed comfort too.

Suddenly she pushed me away. “Why did I tell you?” She asked and shook her. I could see guilt in her eyes and saw she was regretting it. “I… it’s my fault that you’re crying now! I am such a bad friend!”

“Wait- what?” Now I was confused. I had thought she regretted telling me because she now thought she couldn’t trust me enough… but all she cared about were my tears? “Perrie…”

“No,” she said, taking a deep breath and wiping her eyes before she showed me one of those fake smiles again. “I am not allowed to make you cry, you are always there for me…” She grabbed a shirt and quickly pulled it down her body, covering her chest. She then stripped down her skirt and tights before she put on a pair of sweats. “What are you waiting for?” She asked and chuckled but I could see through her masc. “We’re already late, Thompson is surely angry. We shouldn’t make her even angrier or she’s gonna make us stuff we really don’t wanna do…”

I shook my head slightly before I changed into my sports stuff and as I turned around I saw Perrie looking at me with fluttered cheeks. “Are you okay?” I asked gently and she nodded with a smile; this time it was genuine again. Her sudden mood changes confused me a little.

“I am perfectly fine,” she smiled and grabbed my hand to go out with me. By her touch my heart started racing and my breath hitched. I could feel my cheeks turning bright red and she smiled at me. “You don’t need to feel awkward towards me now,” she sighed. “I am still the same and you don’t need to sympathize with me all the time. I am okay.”

“I know,” I smiled and we ran towards the gym. Of course Mrs Thompson was angry at us and let us do some sit-ups, jumping jacks, press-ups and let us run for about five minutes while the others were playing basketball. I mean, I was no big fan of basketball either but everything was better than the hell Perrie and I were going through – but at least I didn’t have to do it alone. Running next to Perrie, hearing her panting and seeing her chest rising and falling with an incredible speed made me feel something I had never felt before. I always shook my head when I found myself staring at her perfect body again but thankfully we were done soon and were allowed to play basketball with the others.

Sadly I wasn’t in Perrie’s team and also Jesy and Leigh-Anne were in the other team. I was with some other girls, some of their names being Tessa, Kim, Shannon and Brenna. They were all really nice but I hadn’t really talked to them before. I looked over to see the other team talking about their strategy but I also my blonde friend was looking over, smiling and waving at me. My cheeks heated up again and I quickly waved at her before turning back to my team.

“Okay, so, Leigh and Jesy are the best in basketball,” Shannon explained. She had long dark hair, which seemed almost black. Also her eyes were rather dark and she was one of those super skinny girls in school. “Perrie, Hannah and Sam aren’t that good so you better take care. Are you good in basketball?”

I shrugged awkwardly. I had always been picked last in sports but I wasn’t that bad, to be honest. Even though I didn’t like sports I was pretty good but no-one wanted me in their teams – I don’t think I need to explain why. “I… I don’t know,” I admitted. “I haven’t played for pretty long…”

“Okay, we’ll see,” Brenna smiled at me. “If you think you need to pass the ball always try to shoot it to Kim, she is one of our bests. But not if Leigh is in front of her, okay? That girl can jump…” She chuckled and I nodded understandingly.

Mrs Thompson whistled and I found myself on the field. The ball was in my hands and I was looking out for Kim. Sadly Leigh-Anne was in front of her so I shot it to Hannah who got hold of the orange ball and threw it into the basket.

We played for about forty minutes and then we were allowed to drink a bit. “You are good,” Perrie smiled breathlessly and I blushed a bit. “Thank you. You are not bad yourself,” I smiled and saw her blushing too.

Wait- was she blushing because of me?

But then she chuckled and the red spots on her cheeks faded away and now I wasn’t even sure anymore if she had blushed in first way. Maybe I had just imagined it because I wanted Perrie to like me back… Yeah, that must be true. She would never like me in this way.

I sighed deeply and she looked at me confused. “I just wanna go home,” I quickly lied and she grinned cheekily.

“Because of Liam, right?”

I blushed – I had totally forgotten about that! If Perrie hadn’t told me I would’ve went up to the bus and straight home… But of course she was misunderstanding my blushing and giggled. “Seems like you like him too!” She looked away from me and grabbed her water bottle.

My heart ached a bit at her happiness – she made it very obvious I was nothing more than a friend to her and I would never be.

***

Perrie’s POV

“Sorry, I am late; Liam is already waiting for me!” Jade said and looked out of the window. We stood at our lockers because I had forgotten something and she offered to come along.

“Just go,” I chuckled and she wrapped her arms around my body, sending those chills that I constantly felt around her, through my body. It was weird because I was really close to Jesy and Leigh-Anne aswell but something about her was different… I waved her a goodbye as she went towards the doors and up to Liam.

I watched them as he pulled her into a quick hug and even from here, inside the school, I could see her cheeks turning bright red. Something inside my chest hurt and quickly I turned around to get out my book. When I walked out of the school both were gone already and I ran my hand through my bright hair.

I spotted Jesy and Leigh at the bus station and walked over to them. “Hey, you’re not here by car today?” I asked the brunette and she shook her head with a sigh.

“It didn’t work… You look sad. Are you okay?”

Quickly I put on a smile and yawned a little, which would always convince them. “I am just tired, basketball was really exhausting!”

They both chuckled and shook their heads at me. It wasn’t my fault that I just couldn’t be really athletic after being sore on every possible spot on my body. I held back a sigh and looked around. I would love to be with Jade right now… How could it be that I already missed her? I had been with her all day and she had just left.

I missed the warmth of her body when we were hugging or her little giggle after almost everything I said. My heart ached when I thought her sad face today, when her tears were streaming down her face and it was all my fault… I would never talk about it again because it just wasn’t fair. I didn’t really know what it was but I would rather die than being the reason for her tears ever again.

Of course had I seen people cry again, even Jesy after her last boyfriend had broken up with her because she was “too big”. I had slapped him across the face, in Jesy’s name and then she was okay again. But it wasn’t the same here. If Jesy would cry again I would be sad for her but surely not like I was about Jade.

Something made her different to my other friends.

“Hey, Pez.”

I turned around and got embraced into one of Zayn’s hugs. Those were the ones I would love the most, wouldn’t I know how Jade’s hugs felt like. “Hey, Zayn,” I smiled at him and he let go off me. He smiled down at me and then looked around, sighing. “I really hate waiting for the bus; all I want is to get home already. Liam is with Jade, right?”

“Yeh,” I said and again I felt my heart aching. “They’re studying together.”

“They are really cute together,” Zayn chuckled and looked at my face again, watching me. He must’ve seen something was wrong with me since I got closer with Jade. Seemed like he knew something about me I didn’t.

“Maybe,” I smiled at him. “Liam seems to like her a lot.”

“Yeh, think so too. What would you say if they would start going out together? Would you be jealous or happy for her?” He watched me intently and I started wondering what he wanted to hear from me.

“Happy, of course. As long as she is happy I’d be happy too.”

“Of course,” he chuckled and went towards the bus that had just arrived. We didn’t drive with the same so I had to stay a little more, waiting for the next one but now I was confused. What did Zayn mean? What did he see or know I didn`t?

“Perrie?” Leigh-Anne asked and smiled at me. “I wanted to say goodbye. My mum got me.” She pointed at the car that was standing behind the bus. “See ya tomorrow, yeh?”

I nodded and hugged her tightly, trying to feel the same when I was hugging Jade. I really tried to, to feel anything that would remind me of her, but there wasn’t anything. Just a normal hug. “See ya,” I responded and watched her and the bus driving away. Now it was only me and a few other people and I sighed.

A warm breeze moved my hair a bit and I sighed again, wanting to hug her. I wanted to hold her hand, to bury my head into her hair even though she was smaller than me, to make her feel secure. She always seemed so vulnerable and I felt like I had to protect her all the time. I sighed again and thought about my and Zayn’s conversation.

And then an imagine flashed my mine – Jade holding Liam’s hand, their bodies close to each other. She would laugh about something he had said and they would both blush when they announced they were going out now. We would be happy for them but my heart ached, only thinking about it. I sighed again and felt tears welling up my eyes.

If I was already getting this emotional when I was just thinking about them dating how would it be when they would actually start going out?

Maybe Zayn was right… Maybe I would be jealous when they would get together. And now I also saw what he had seen, even though I would never tell Jade. I had known it, back in my mind since I met her.

At least the night we had the sleep over I should’ve noticed, the way I was attached to her all the time. In the morning, when I felt her pressed against me. I had automatically wrapped my arms around her, feeling her warmth and smelling her hair like it was the oxygen I needed to survive. I loved being that close to her and I remember that I had wanted to stay like this forever.

Sadly Leigh-Anne had woken her up then and I had to remove myself from her. I didn’t want her to know I liked her in this way. She already knew something others didn’t. And I surely didn’t want to ruin everything now.

She hadn’t judged me about something I couldn’t control – maybe she would hate me and tell everyone my secret.

What had I done?


	10. Chapter 10

Jade’s POV

“Damn, I forgot my book…”

“Should we quickly get it? The bus takes hours to come here so we don’t have to hurry after all,” I smiled and got a confused glance by Perrie.

“Yes, I know, but I am pretty sure Liam hurried up. I guess he is already waiting for you.”

By the time she had finished her sentence we were at her locker and I cursed to myself. Again I had forgotten what I was about to do today! “Yeh, maybe…” I looked out of the window, only to see Liam leaning against a red car, seeming to wait for me. “Sorry, I am late; Liam is already waiting for me,” I said shyly and looked out of the window again.

Perrie smiled at me, saying “Just go,” and chuckled a bit before she wrapped her arms around me to hug me. Like always shivers ran down my spine, my breath hitched and my heart started racing. It seemed as if it had become worse since I admitted it to myself…

As I was already running away from her, towards the door and out to Liam I could see her waving at me in the reflection of the glass doors and waved slightly back at her but I was sure she hadn’t seen it. I ran down the few stairs and along the path up to Liam.

As his eyes spotted me he pushed himself away from the car, smiling at me. Lately we started to hug each other when we met and to be honest, I liked it. I could say he was my best friend but I was afraid I would never really like him this way.

Still I started blushing – it wasn’t because of the contact I had with Liam, it was just that everyone assumed a boy and a girl couldn’t hug without something going on between them! So I quickly released myself from his arms and found the door for my side of the car already open. He smiled at me and with even brighter cheeks I sat down.

Within seconds he was next to me, starting the car.

***

“Thank you, Liam,” I smiled as he grabbed my hand again to pull me out of the car. The way from school to his house was really short. We didn’t really talk but I could feel his eyes on my back now and then while I was looking out of the window. I didn’t feel uncomfortable with Liam – it just wasn’t the same as with Perrie.

I sighed as we went up to his door – my head was filled with thoughts and I needed someone I could tell. Liam? No, I wouldn’t want to hurt him and never reject a boy this way.

Perrie? Hell, no! If I told her I wouldn’t want to date Liam she would only ask why and I was definitely not ready to tell her yet. And I knew I wasn’t able to lie to her.

What about Niall then? He was Liam’s best friend but as far as I knew he was a loyal friend and wouldn’t tell him, would he?

“Jade?”

“Huh?” I looked up into a pair of brown eyes. Liam looked at me confused but also expectantly and only now I recognized he was inside the house, waiting for me in the doorframe, and I was still standing outside, deep in my thoughts.

“Won’t you come in?” He chuckled and I nodded as I felt my cheeks turning bright red again. We walked in and he led me to the kitchen. “My mum knew you were coming and she offered to make you some food… I didn’t know if you wanted some food or not so I said yes?”

It was rather a question than a statement and to help him relax a bit I just nodded smiling. We walked into the kitchen and I was greeted by two girls, a woman and a man sitting around the table. “Hi, you’re Jade, right?” One of the girls asked and I nodded sheepishly.

“I am Nicola, Liam’s older sister,” she smiled and shook my head while her other sister introduced themselves to me too – Nicola and Ruth were their names. Liam’s mum was Karen and his dad’s name was Geoff and they seemed all comfortable around me.

We ate some food before Liam grabbed my hand and waved goodbye to his family before we hurried upstairs – ignoring Nicola’s “use protection!”-shout. Liam shook his head, his cheeks red and hot.

“I’m sorry,” he apologized for his family. “I knew they would embarrass me… but they shouldn’t have embarrassed you!”

“Ha-ha, it’s okay, Liam,” I smiled and patted his back after he let go off my hand. We went into his room and for a while I only looked around. His room was quite normal, like I would’ve expected it. The wooden bed was beneath the window, the curtains open, the desk was a bit beside me and there also were a few shelves, filled with books and a cupboard, where I assumed clothes to be inside.

“Take a seat,” he smiled politely and pointed at his bed. The bed linen were plain green and nothing special about it but it still looked clean in here. I smiled up at him while I got out my stuff. He sat down at the desk, turning his chair so he was looking at me and I started asking him some questions about physics.

Although he knew the answers to all the question I knew he wasn’t really there – which made me think if he had only been looking for an excuse to spend some time with me. I mean, I didn’t mind spending time with him. I just knew that I had not the same reasons as him and I sighed every time I thought about it. I didn’t want to hurt Liam.

“Err, Jade…?” He suddenly asked as I just wanted to tell him why he was asking me to help him – I just wanted to see how much he knew about physics and he seemed to know everything.

“Yeh?” I asked unsure of what was coming now. The only think I knew right that moment was, that I didn’t want him to ruin everything.

“I… I was thinking… if you would want to go to the cinema with me on Saturday? As far as I know you’ve nothing planned… I mean, I understand if you have other plans already but it was really funny with you on the weekend.” He smiled sheepishly and again his cheeks turned bright red. Of course he recognized it and shook his head, fixing his hair and clearing his throat.

I gulped hard. That was what I had been afraid of. I really liked Liam but I just couldn’t… do this. Perrie wouldn’t mind, of course not. She’d be extremely happy for me… Maybe I should give Liam a try? What could go wrong?

Nothing – maybe I could fall out of love for Perrie and fall into love for Liam and everyone would be happy, right?

“Yeh, sure, why not?” I asked smiling even though my stomach suddenly started hurting. I somehow had the feeling this was a stupid answer… But he started smiling like crazy before he turned his attention back to the back. He cleared his throat once more, covering his mouth with his big hands. They were so different to Perrie – his were big and manly while hers were female, tiny and petite. Much nicer to grab…

I shook my head before I turned back to my book myself. I felt… weird now. Not only did I lie to Liam, I also lied to myself and I just felt sick. I had never like liars and now I was one myself… what was happening to me?

Suddenly I heard some noise and as I looked up I could see that Liam had been face-palming himself. He shook his head before he removed his hand and turned to me, his cheeks redder than I had ever seen before. “I am so sorry!” He suddenly said, making me shoot him a confused look. “I didn’t even ask if you needed anything… I’m such a rude boy…”

I laughed slightly and shook my head. “Don’t worry, Lili, everything’s alright. And you’re the only gentleman I know, so don’t worry about that. I think you’re the only boy I’ve met in a while who actually had manners at all…” I sighed deeply, thinking about the guys from my old school. It was weird to think that I was still in the same town and still the boys and generally everything was so much nicer and gentler, also towards me.

“Thank you…” He murmured and shook his head again before he looked up to me once more. “So, do you want anything? Sweets, something to drink, anything?”

I just smiled, shaking my head. “No, thank you… and I was wondering… why would you need a tutor? You knew all the questions I asked you perfectly fine.”

He scratched the back of his neck as his cheeks fluttered pink again. “Well… I didn’t want to embarrass myself totally so I was learning a bit before we had sports and also afterwards, before you came out of school…”

“Aww,” I grinned and giggled slightly. I catched a look at my watch and slapped my head. “Ugh, sorry, Liam, but I promised my mum to be home at five and now it’s already half past…” I quickly got up, grabbing my stuff and randomly putting it into my bag, not caring really if I was ruining anything.

“Should I drive you?” He kindly offered and I would’ve run up to him and hugged him if I wasn’t still feeling awkward.

“You don’t have to,” I smiled, trying to say ‘no’, even though I knew he wasn’t about to give in. I know, this was maybe a bit selfish, but I didn’t want to seem like this.

“I’d love to,” he smiled before we went downstairs. “I’m quickly driving Jade home!” He shouted towards his family and before I could hear the response I was already out of the door.

“I’m sure they hate me now,” I murmured and he looked at me confused, knitting his eyebrows in curiosity. “What? Why should they hate you?”

“Because I didn’t say goodbye…” I murmured as I put on the belt. I sighed deeply but he just started laughing as he pulled out of the drive way. I had to guide him home a little but he already seemed to know. Maybe his memories were so brilliant that he could remember them after only once seeing my house.

“Thank you so much, I owe you something!” I shouted as I got out of the car. I waved at him before I ran up the path to my house.

“Jade, where were you?” My mum asked sternly and I sighed.

“I’m so, so, so, sorry, mum!” I said and put down my bag. For a second it stayed the way I had put it on the floor but then it lost its balance and fell to the ground. Some of my stuff fell out, so did my phone. “I was at Liam’s and we were learning and then his mum made me some food…”

“It’s okay,” she said and as I looked up at her she seemed to hide a grin. “I don’t mind when you spend some time with your new boyfriend but-”

“Did you just call Liam my boyfriend?!” I interrupted her, pretty shocked. I felt my cheeks turning red and she just laughed, making her way to the kitchen. “Mum!”

But she didn’t listen to me so I made my way upstairs. My phone buzzed and I took it out, seeing Perrie was calling me. Even though I didn’t want this to happen I could feel my heart skipping a beat and cursed myself. I quickly picked it up and felt my mouth twitching into a smile as I heard her saying my name.

“Hey, Jade. Are you still at Liam’s?” She asked.

“Nope, what do you need?” I bit my lower lip and sat down on the bed.

“To be honest… I have no idea.” I heard her laughing nervously on the other side of the phone and tried to suppress a smile – but failed. “I was just utterly bored… so, how was it?”

“Err…” For a moment I kind of felt guilty but then I wondered… why not tell her? She would be happy for me wouldn’t she?

***

Jesy’s POV

“Leigh-Anneeeeeeeeee!”

“God, Jesy, what do you need?” The girl came out from the kitchen, her hair in a pony tail and a smile spread across her face.

“I am bored…”

“Well, then do something. I am busy and I’m sure Pezza will be right back.” She smiled at me before she made her way back to the kitchen, leaving me all alone again. I sighed and sat straight up, right the moment Perrie came in again.

She had left the room with a smile, then she went for the toilet… and now she suddenly seemed really sad. “Are you okay?” I asked gently, worried about the mood swings she had lately. At first I thought it would be because of Jade but then I found no proper reason why exactly Jade would affect her so much.

“What? Err, yeh, sure…” She murmured, turning her attention to the TV. For a moment I looked at her but she seemed to be concentrated on the screen, even though it was black and no sound was coming out.

“Perrie…” I moved closer to her and she finally looked at me, biting her lower lip. I knew, something was bothering her and always was but she never would show us – but right now she looked so vulnerable and I could not remember that I had ever seen her this way. “Please, baba, tell me what’s wrong…”

She smiled slightly as I used her nickname but immediately dropped it again and looked me into the eyes. Her normally bright and shining blue eyes now looked a bit dull and not so happy like they always did when she was around us. “I… I am not quite sure myself…” She murmured and looked down at her trembling hands.

“Come on,” I smiled warmly at her, moving closer to her and put an arm around her shoulder. For a moment she winced, but I was used to it. She had never been really a person you could casually touch and it took Perrie long enough to trust me and Leigh-Anne enough to hug us.

“Well… I… I think I made a mistake…”

“And… what was this mistake?” I asked carefully, trying not to scare her away.

“I kind of fell in love with Jade…”


	11. Chapter 11

Jade’s POV

“So, are you and Liam dating now?” Jesy asked and I laughed, not looking at her. I felt my cheeks turning red and took a quick sip of my coke.

“Err… I’m not sure… I don’t think so… why?” I laughed shyly, unsure what to say. I didn’t really want to be together with Liam because he seemed only to be the one to occupy my mind from Perrie. But Niall sat right next to me too and he and Perrie grinned at me knowingly.

I could see Jesy looking at Perrie from the corners of my eyes but I didn’t pay any attention to it because that moment Liam came to us and sat down right across from me.

“So, Liam, are you and Jadey together now?” Harry asked laughing. His arm was around Louis’s shoulder, who was smiling at us cheekily. Today he was wearing his glasses which made him look younger and also a bit cuter than normally.

I could see his cheeks flushing deeply red, redder than ever before and his brown eyes. I looked at him curiously, waiting for his answer - I was also afraid, I had to admit. Our friends were amazing and they would be happy for us but if Liam said we were actually going out there was no turning back - now I could maybe still tell Liam I only wanted friendship but if he thought we were together I would need to break up one day… Why did I even say yes? I’m so stupid!

“Err… I’m not sure… I don’t think so…. why?”

Everyone started giggling and I just sighed as I realized Liam had just used exactly the same words as I. I smiled sheepishly at him before we both quickly turned our attention back to our food.

“Aww, you two are too cute!” Leigh-Anne giggled and I looked over to Jesy, who looked at Leigh warningly. The black haired girl didn’t seem to notice it and just turned back to her food.

“Jay?” Jesy asked again, smiling at me. “What are you doing on Saturday?”

I heard Perrie groan and looked at her in confusion. Her eyes widened and shaking my head I looked back at Jesy - the blonde’s mood swings really were confusing me. I knew what was wrong with her, I knew why she sometimes was sad. I also knew why she was happy in school.

But things like this… confused me.

“Err… I’m going to the cinema with Liam…” I murmured and looked over at him, only to see him blushing again.

“Aww!” Leigh giggled and clapped her hands a little. “You two are so cute together, like seriously. Just admit that you’re dating!”

“Excuse me,” Perrie smiled before she got up, carrying away her plate and the empty water bottle. She hadn’t eaten it all, unlike herself. She always was hungry, literally all the time, so I had never seen her not finished her meal. I looked at her as she walked away and heard Jesy whispering something to Leigh-Anne.

“What’s wrong with her?” I heard Louis ask and he looked at me expectantly, as if I knew the answer.

I swallowed the food that was in my throat and shrugged, trying to look like I wouldn’t care. “I guess she’s just not hungry anymore…” I turned my attention back to my food but my appetite was gone by now.

“I’ll see if she’s okay…” Jesy excused herself before getting up and following after the blonde.

I felt someone taking the now empty seat next to me and looked up to see a pair of brown eyes. “Hey there,” he smiled at me and took a bite of his chips. “Umm… Leigh just made me think of something… basically… we are together… aren’t we?”

I choked on my chip and he had to pat my back so I wouldn’t die right then and there. “Umm… are we really? I mean… we only know each other for like… What, two weeks?”

His face dropped and he quickly looked at his food, picking up another chip.

“Look, Liam,” I smiled sympathetically at him - I needed to explain it now to him or I would mess anything up even more. “I really like you a lot…”

“Jade, hurry up!” A voice called and I looked up to see Leigh waving for me. “We need to hurry or we’re late for Art!”

“See you later,” I smiled at him and hugged him to make it up a bit to him. I walked away from him, not looking back because I knew I couldn’t see him sad.

***

The next day Perrie wasn’t in school and you could tell I was scared as hell. I wanted to call her and ask her if she was okay but I never had time alone - either Jesy or Liam were constantly around me.

It would’ve been nice - if it wasn’t annoying. Seemed like I was one of those people who never could get enough - when I was lonely, I wanted people to be around me and when I had people around me I wanted to be lonely.

Angry at myself I rested my face in my hands and supported my elbows with my knees. “Are you okay?” A voice asked and I looked up, seeing Harry.

A sympathetic smile was on his face, his eyes wide and shining green. His curly hair was rather messy, like always and without another word he sat down next to me. “You seem to be sad…” He bit his lower lip and knitted his eyebrows.

“Never mind, I… just…” I sighed deeply, shaking my head. I tugged down the sleeves of my shirt so they were covering now my hands too.

“Come on,” he smiled. “I can keep secrets - I haven’t told anyone I was into boys for about four years. I won’t tell anyone.”

“I- it’s…” I took another deep breath and felt my throat tightening. “I just don’t know anymore what I am doing…”

He knitted his eyebrows and was thinking for a few seconds. He rested his chin in his palm, his elbow resting on the table. He suddenly lifted his head, shock and surprise written on his face. “Wait- you don’t like Liam, do you?!”

I closed my eyes, breathing out. “I do… but not the way he wants me to… And no matter what I do, I just make it worse. I like him, I really do, but… I don’t want to get his hopes up. I know, that’s exactly what I do… I just want to forget P-” My hands quickly covered my mouth as my eyes automatically widened. I wasn’t allowed to tell him. Of course he wouldn’t judge me. But maybe he told Louis and I knew Lou liked to chat about everyone and everything (he knew with what he would go too far but still…).

“P? Who’s P?” He asked curiously. “Your ex? I know, it’s hard to get over someone… but I guess you’ll regret it someday if you use Liam only to forget P.” He smiled sympathetically. “I would like to help you, especially because I don’t want Liam to get hurt too much. I mean, we both know he’ll be hurt if you rejected him but maybe we should keep his hopes lower?”

“How?” I asked desperately.

“Hm…”

“Hey guys,” Liam said and I almost jumped off my seat. He wrapped his arms around me to hug me quickly, then he hugged Harry.

“Haz, Louis is waiting for you. He is at your locker,” he smiled and as Harry went out, waving a goodbye towards me, Liam took his place.

“How are you today?”

“I’m good… Should we continue our talk?” I asked, fumbling with my hands nervously.

“Oh… okay.” He bit his lower lip but his eyes were locked with mine, not looking away. “I know, it’s maybe a bit weird because we only know for such a short time… But what could we lose?”

“Our friendship?” I asked nervously.

He smiled sadly. “I know that I like you, Jade… Maybe you like me too, maybe not… I don’t know. But I would be really happy if we were going out.”

I sighed. I didn’t want this to happen but… really, what could we lose? Maybe I fell in love with him, if I would just let it happen. To me it seemed as if I was holding onto Perrie - and I needed to let her go.

“You know what?” I smiled at him. “Okay. I’ll give it a go.”

He showed me one of his wide grins and wrapped his arms around me to hug me. “You won’t regret it!”

***

“Could you do me a favour?” I asked Jesy and flashed her a smile.

She looked at me but didn’t seem really happy - I just hoped she wasn’t pissed because of me. “I wanted to bring this all to Perrie today but I’m… err, kinda busy… Do you think you could do this?”

Jesy bit her lower lip and grabbed the stuff I gave to her. “I guess it’s better anyway if you stay away from Perrie for a while…”

“What?” I asked shocked. I felt my heart sinking and my stomach instantly started hurting. “Why?”

The brunette just shrugged and went off, leaving me without another word. “What the hell…” I murmured and suddenly felt a pair of strong arms wrapping around my waist.

My heart skipped a beat - but not as if I had felt her small thin arms wrapping around me. It was more because I got scared by the sudden contact.

“Hey, Jade,” I heard, as expected, Liam’s voice behind me and turned around, showing my best fake smile. I would’ve wanted to ask Jesy why I should stay away from Perrie but I couldn’t just ignore him. “How is my beautiful girlfriend?”

“Good,” I lied, not looking at him. “And how is my boyfriend?” It felt so wrong, just wrong. I wanted to go away, leave him right there, only because of the single word that had just slipped through my mouth.

Boyfriend.

And there was no turning back.


	12. Chapter 12

“Umm, Perrie?” I asked shyly. The last three days we had hardly talked and I had no idea what I had done wrong. I tried to talk to her – she replied but I could see her answers were distant and cool, as if she wouldn’t want to talk to me. Of course my subconscious would tell me she was jealous of me and Liam – but I knew better. Why would she be jealous?

Maybe because I was Liam and she still wasn’t with Zayn. I could have guessed it… All I did was worrying about my own stupid problems, which I had gotten me myself into and then I didn’t seem to care about anyone else anymore. No wonder why I never had friends before and why my only close friend would now drop me.

“What?” She asked; her voice a bit higher pitched as usual. She would only talk like this if she was stressed or angry.

“Have I…” I cleared my throat, afraid of her answer. “Have I done anything wrong?” I asked, biting the corner of my lips. I could feel my cheeks turning bright red and quickly looked to the ground so I wouldn’t have to stand her angry face. I wasn’t sure if she would look at me angry now but I could guess so…

“Oh my god, Jade, no!” She yelped and jumped up from her seat to wrap her arms around my body. I could feel myself relax into her touch and sheepishly returned her hug. For the first time in a while I could smell her vanilla-rose scent and smiled slightly. It was mesmerizing me and I never wanted to let go.

You have a boyfriend, a voice in my head said and I removed my arms from around her to smile happily. “I thought you were mad at me… you haven’t talked to me in a while.”

She frowned. “But we did talk, today in maths, remember?”

I rolled my eyes, but couldn’t help the smile that was forming on my lips. “Pez, I meant talk really. You just asked me for a pen, that’s not talking. I think we should do something, just you and me, huh?” Oh my god, I did not just say this! This shouted ‘I am so in love with you, please go out with me!!!!!’ and yet again I started blushing. What was this about Perrie that would drive me crazy? What did she have Liam didn’t?

They both were nice, they both were gentle, they both were friendly and they both loved me – in different ways, but still. “So, what do you say?” My mouth said before my brain could work out what had just happened. Hopefully she wouldn’t see it the way I was or else our whole friendship would break…

“Yeh, sure, why not?” She asked smiling, but again I could see something was wrong, so I frowned. The forced smile on her face faded away and she now frowned too. “You okay?”

“I could ask you the same…” I murmured and shook my head, looking down at my entwined fingers. How I wish one of those hands was hers… I knew now what it was like to hold someone’s hands and I knew how Perrie’s felt. The feeling of Liam’s hand around mine was nice, but it would be better if I could feel hers in mine. Why couldn’t I just get over her?

“Why?”

“I told you already…” I sighed, now looking back into her eyes. Those were the ones who always told the truth, the ones who wouldn’t be able to lie to me. She had a lot of secrets and I knew although she had told me her biggest there was still something she was hiding from me. Of course her eyes wouldn’t be able to tell me – but as soon as I found out and confronted her, her eyes would tell me if I was right or not, no matter what left her mouth. She just couldn’t keep any secrets from me. “I can see right through you, Perrie. You don’t need to keep any secrets from me, I will know if something is wrong. Please, just tell me. Else… I’m just worrying all the time.”

Her eyes widened and I saw the pink that was making her pale face a bit more coloury. “So… you always know what’s going on in my mind? Are you Edward Cullen or so?” She tried to laugh it off but I could see that she was nervous as hell.

“No, but I think I know you way too much for my own health.” My eyes widened as I realized what I said. What was going on with me?! I was practically screaming at her that I was in love with her! Why didn’t I just smash my lips onto hers already?!

‘No, oh my god. You have never kissed anyone and you have a boyfriend. Just stop this already’, my subconscious reminded me again. Still my cheeks blushed and I tried to look away but Perrie’s blue eyes seemed to hold my gaze, not daring to break the moment.

“I’m sorry…” She murmured and I gaped at her confused. What on earth was she apologizing now for? “I… I know I am annoying…” Her voice cracked and I mentally slapped myself as I realized her eyes were watery because of me – again she misunderstood my words. “But… ugh, never mind. I am sorry, but please… don’t tell… please don’t tell anyone my secret, please…” She looked down at the ground by now, not daring to look into my eyes. I could see she was ashamed.

“Perrie, I-” I tried to say something to calm her, to assure her she was wrong and that I liked her (okay, maybe more than like but she wouldn’t need to know).

That moment someone shouted my name and I turned around to be met by Liam. “Hey, I was wondering where you were.” He smiled at me, wrapping his bright arm around my waist to pull me close and planted a kiss on my temple.

“Liam, I-”

“I’ll go now,” Perrie said and walked away before I could stop her.

I sighed and could feel my own eyes burning. “Baby, what’s wrong?” He asked, stroking away a stroke of my hair. He leant down a bit so he could look me into the eyes. His big hand cupped my chin, daring me to look at him. “Jade, you can tell me everything.”

I breathed out shakily and already wanted to shake my head – if I would speak now I would lose Perrie probably forever. But I knew I couldn’t keep it in and maybe this was for the best. I didn’t want to lose the blonde girl as a friend but I knew I needed distance or else I would never get away from her.

I could feel the tears threaten to fall as I looked back into his brown eyes – I really did feel love for them, just not the way Liam would want me to. I felt secure, yes, but he rather was like my older brother. I knew it would feel weird if I had my first kiss with him but how could I reject him now? He was so amazing and all he wanted from me was to like him back… I wished so much I could give to him what he wanted.

“No…” I said and pushed myself away from him. “I am so extremely sorry, Liam, so, so sorry… but…”

He frowned and pursed his lips as he looked at me suspiciously. “I already thought so…” He sighed, running a hand through his short curls and smiling sadly. “It would have been too good to be true if you really wanted to be with me…”

“Listen, Liam…”I murmured, feeling my cheeks turning red. I looked around, seeing people were looking at us and looked down at the ground. “Can we talk somewhere more… private?”

He nodded, still this sad smile on his face. He tried to show me he wouldn’t mind much but just like with Perrie I could see through this. “Look, Liam,” I started as we were out of the school, standing on the grass in front of the building. It was midday break and most of the students were inside, eating their food but some were also out here, sitting on their jackets beneath the old trees. It was slightly raining, so I couldn’t understand why they were out here but it looked rather dry under the big, old trees.

“I really like you a lot… And I guess I would also fall for you – but there is someone else who I just cannot get over. I am so sorry, you cannot even imagine. I never wanted to be one of those people who would use others to get over a broken heart or something with someone else. I feel so bad right now and I can totally understand if you hate me now.”

“How could I hate you?” He asked, shaking his head slightly. “I understand you – you are allowed to like someone else. It’s not by me to decide who you give your heart. You just should not regret doing anything. If you want this person, just tell them. You will regret it one day if you don’t. And even though you don’t like me the way… I would want you to; I don’t regret asking you out. I felt what it could be like for a few days and it was the best time of my life. If you don’t tell them, you will one day ask yourself what it could have been like. Maybe this one person is the one for you – but you cannot know without trying it.”

Again I could feel my eyes collect tears. I would have expected him to shout at me, to tell me I should go away and leave him alone forever. I would have understood him. “You are… not mad at me?” I asked rather surprised. This was totally not what I had been expecting.

He laughed slightly and shook his head. “Of course I am not overly happy… but I can understand you. I am nothing special. Why would you want me?”

“Don’t say this,” I muttered under my breath. “You are really amazing, Liam, and one day you will find a girl that will treat you the way you deserve it. I am so sorry that I cannot be this one girl, I really am. If there wasn’t this other person I would really love to be this person.”

“I think that’s what’s the worst about it,” he sighed and scratched the back of his head, like he always did when he felt uncomfortable. “That I could have you, maybe.” He laughed bitterly and looked up into the sky. The rain was falling heavier now but I didn’t really care.

Now, that I had talked it all out with him, Perrie’s words still were in my mind. I could hear them, as if she was speaking them right now, over and over again. I saw her eyes in front of me, filled with the tears I had caused.

I could slap myself. I was the one who made Perrie cry, the girl who had to go through hell day by day and now I even made it worse. Why did I mean so much to her though? I hardly knew her and she hardly knew me.

I hadn’t even told her my problem…

I sighed and looked up again, seeing Liam was soaked. I hadn’t realized that it was raining so heavily now. “We should go back in,” he giggled.

I looked down at me and saw my school uniform and also my hair was dripping; the shining pearls were falling down off of me. But I didn’t really care. I felt like I would deserve this, even if I would get sick now. “Nah,” I smiled at him. “It’s beautiful out here. I haven’t actually paid attention to the rain since I was little. It is actually really beautiful.”

He nodded. There was pain in his eyes and he breathed out heavily. “Just like you,” he murmured quietly but due to the quietness around us I could still hear him. The ones that were hiding beneath the trees had now run off, protecting themselves from the rain. I could see some scattered people running inside, hiding their heads under the books they had opened upon their heads.

“I will go inside now…” He smiled at me and walked by me, patting my shoulders. As he had passed I didn’t turn around, I just looked straight ahead. I saw the drops falling down, hitting some blades of grass. They would stay the way they were for a few seconds but soon they would fall down, hiding themselves and sinking down into the earth.

It might sound weird now but I honestly wanted to be one of those drops – they could just disappear and still then they would do something. They would be there for the grass, for flowers and even for animals, like ladybeetle or ants.

I sighed and turned around, looking at the big clock that hung above the big wooden gate, which would lead inside the school. Break had ended like five minutes ago but to be honest, I could care less. Normally I would run into school now frantically, and into the class, shouting my apologies at the teacher.

But now I just sighed and walked up the marmoreal stairs. I slipped in, since the door was almost always opened as long as someone was inside. I had no idea who closed it after end of school, but if would pass at night or late evening it was always closed.

I walked into the dining room, where I found my school bag and put it onto my back. I left wet trails wherever I went and my steps resounded in the empty corridor.

I sighed and pulled open the door of the class room. Of course everyone’s eyes were on me but luck seemed to be on my side – the teacher wasn’t there yet and quickly everyone’s eyes turned back to whatever they were doing. Except for a pair of crystal blue eyes.

“Perrie!” I shouted through the whole class, causing her to flinch and the others to look at me again. She quickly turned away, her eyes looking down at the book that lay in front of her. She was pretending to read but I knew it better. She couldn’t read when she was being watched intently and she also knew I was watching her.

“Perrie…” I murmured quietly as I stood next to her. I hadn’t even recognized my feet walking but my body seemed to being drawn to her, like two magnets. Or, let’s say she was something metallic and I was a magnet. Because obviously she wasn’t drawn to me.

“Can we talk?” I asked her and she looked up at me. Her eyes showed me how hurt she was but still she tried to smile at me. It was like a slap in the face.

“No, I don’t know what you would need to talk about? I thought I was annoying…”

“You didn’t even let me talk!” I sighed and threw my hands in the air desperately. I wanted to add something but this moment our teacher came in. “Later, please.”

She shrugged and I sat down at my place. She had chosen to sit somewhere else today so I was far away from her – no chance to talk to her. After about fifteen minutes she raised her hand. “Mr Stone, can I please go? I feel really sick…”

Our teacher nodded, letting her pack her stuff and walk out. As she closed the door behind her she didn’t even take a last look at me.


	13. Chapter 13

“Jade Amelia Thirlwall, what did you do?” An angry voice asked and I looked up frightened, met by Jesy. Her hands were in her sides and she glared down at me.

I was at my lockers, getting ready to go home but apparently I had to talk to her before. Confused I knitted my eyebrows and looked at her. “Err… what did I do?” I asked and she rolled her eyes annoyed, causing me to raise an eyebrow in surprise at her.

“What you did?” She asked and threw her hands in the air. “Look at Perrie! Since you are here she isn’t the same anymore! Do you have an idea what you did there? I know something is wrong at Perrie’s house but I have enough respect not to ask her. And I also know the school is the only place where she feels comfortable and now you come here and make her run away.”

“Why is it my fault that she went home?” I asked and could feel my eyes burning. No, I wasn’t allowed to cry in front of Jesy. She shouldn’t know how much those words hurt me.

“I don’t know, but this all started since you are here,” she muttered and I could tell she knew exactly why this all was my fault. Had Perrie told her about out little fight? “I don’t know if you were talking today or yesterday or whenever – all I know is that you broke Perrie. She doesn’t deserve the way you treat her!”

“How I treat her?” I asked and gaped. “Have you ever thought about how she treats me? I have no idea what I have done wrong and she suddenly ignores me! She was the one who insisted on my relationship with Liam, not me! I don’t know what I did, seriously. Tell me please!” I hadn’t planned on begging her but I wanted to get over this now. I needed Perrie and I wouldn’t let her go without a fight.

For a moment she stayed silent. She pursed her lips and knitted her eyebrows. “I cannot tell you, Jade… I wish I could so you could make up and she would be her old self but I cannot, I promised her not to tell you.”

“So… you know what I have done wrong?” I asked and felt myself close to the tears again. Why did she not tell me? Maybe I could do something against it…

Jesy nodded slowly and sighed. “Look, Jade, I know what she does isn’t really okay but you need to understand her too. If you were in her shoes you would understand it. Maybe… you can apologize for anything, I don’t know, but I hate to see her like this. She loves being in school, please don’t ruin this to her.”

I nodded and scratched the back of my neck. “Can you… at least tell me what I should say when she asks why I am apologizing?” I asked and looked at her hopefully.

She shrugged and looked at her feet. “I really don’t know what to tell you without letting you know what she told me as a secret. Have you been talking lately? If yes, have you been fighting?”

“Either you’re a fortune teller or you know Perrie much too well,” I smiled sadly and nodded. It felt weird talking about this to Jesy. I would either talk to Liam (but I guess that was over now) or Harry, but I hardly ever talked to Jesy.

“Well, if you were fighting you could apologize for what you said? I guess you said something wrong… and I am sorry for going off on you so much but Perrie means the world to me.” She smiled sadly and I felt a sting in my heart. I shouldn’t feel jealous because Jesy and Pez had been friends for much longer than I had even known about her existence but I couldn’t help it.

“Thank you… Jesy,” I smiled and felt awkward now. I had always thought she wouldn’t like me and I still did because she was always so distant. She was always polite but I knew she also was a good actress. Maybe she saw a rival in me because if I was Perrie’s best friend she wouldn’t be her best friend anymore…

Okay, maybe I was a bit too jealous and getting paranoid.

“You’re welcome.” She smiled and turned on her heels and was already walking away but then she turned around and looked at me seriously. I couldn’t tell if she was mad at me too but she didn’t look like it. “But if you break Perrie’s heart one more time I will break you.”

I raised my eyebrow at her, trying to look like I wouldn’t care but I was scared as hell. Wait – break Perrie’s heart? What was she talking about? Had I broken… Perrie’s heart?

She normally wouldn’t show if she was sad or pissed but today everyone could tell. Even Louis had asked me if she was okay because she had seemed so sad and broken today. I had told him that she had been just tired and a bit sick but I was still not sure if he believed me.

I sighed and packed my stuff. Should I still go to hers today?

Nah, she would probably just tell me to go away…

But I wanted to make things okay between us again. I missed her already and I couldn’t stand it when she was mad at me. Did she seriously think I would hate her or think she was annoying? Wasn’t it totally obvious that I was madly in love with her?

Sighing I went outside and decided to walk to her house. I wasn’t really into riding by bus because I needed to move. I couldn’t sit still when I knew Perrie was still angry at me.

I groaned as one of my books slipped through my fingers and landed on the cool ground. I went on my knees to grab it but suddenly all my stuff fell down and I threw my hands in the air, asking god what I had done to him so he would make this day so shitty.

I felt something hit my head but before I could turn around my eyes shut close and with a quiet thump my head landed on the cement floor. 

***

Perrie’s POV

Maybe I should have let her talk…

Maybe I should have listened to her.

Maybe than I would be talking to her now, telling her my true feelings about her and not sitting here all alone, hugging my teddy bear and crying.

Thankfully my parents weren’t at home and neither was my brother. I had no plan where the hell they were but I could care less. As soon as I was out of school I would move out anyway – I couldn’t understand why Jonnie was still living here though.

I felt my phone buzzing and my heart skipped a beat in the hope Jade would call and tell me I was wrong and that she liked me – but at the screen I saw a picture of Jesy and her name beneath it. Sighing I answered it. “Yeh?”

“Hey, Pez,” she said and I could hear she was exhausted. “Where are you? Are you okay? You didn’t say goodbye to me today.”

“Damn, I am really sorry!” I said honestly. “I had totally forgotten!”

“It’s okay,” she said and I could hear she was smiling by now. That was the good thing about Jesy – she never was mad at me for long. “Err, are you going anywhere today?”

“No,” I said and sighed. “I don’t feel well and even if it became better until evening people would think I would skip school.” Well, actually I was really skipping school, but it just was too weird to be in a room with Jade.

I was pretty sure she hated me. If she hadn’t hated me before our fight, she would now and maybe it was good this way. I should really let her go – after all she was with Liam now and they seemed happy together.

“Oh, okay, just wondering,” she said. “I was talking to Jade today and she seemed pretty upset. Have you been fighting?”

“She is upset?” I wondered. Why would she be upset because of me? “What did she say?”

“Well, she was wondering what she had done wrong because you were ignoring her and obviously she was hurt… She told me you had been fighting today, but didn’t tell any details. I guess it was about Liam?”

“Shush!” I hissed and bit my lower lip. Jade had been upset because of our fight? “Jesy, don’t talk about this openly! And… I don’t really know why we were fighting… I think I misunderstood something she said. I can’t really remember,” I lied, because the truth was that every single word of hers would be repeating in my head.

“Oh, okay. She said she would come and apologize to you but you don’t know this from me.” I could imagine her winking and we both laughed slightly.

If she would really want to apologize because I had been so stupid, I had really no reason to be sad. If even, I could be mad at myself because I had been stupid enough to just walk away when she had wanted to say something…

Liam though…

I tried the best to hate him but I just couldn’t. After all he was my friend and he hadn’t done anything wrong. The thing was just that he liked Jade the same way I did and he was the lucky one she had chosen to give her love to.

After chatting a bit more to Jesy we said our goodbyes and went to sleep.

***

The next day Jade wasn’t in school and of course I started worrying. I asked Liam where she was but he shrugged.

“I tried to call her but she didn’t answer… which is no surprise for me, to be honest,” he smiled sadly and sighed.

Before he could walk away I grabbed his arm. “What do you mean?” I asked curiously.

“Well, we broke up yesterday. She seems to be in love with someone else, and she didn’t want to use me to get over this person.” He smiled sadly and I knew now it was time to let him go away or else he would start crying. He had always been such a softy.

“Oh, I am really sorry,” I smiled sympathetically at him before I walked away. I got out my phone and tried to call her but the voice mail answered immediately – her phone was off. I decided to leave her a message. “Hey, Jade, it’s Perrie… I can understand if you’re mad at me but call me if you get this message, okay?”

Before I could put it away it rang and I looked at the screen – it was a number I didn’t know but I decided to answer it anyway. “Hello, this is Perrie Edwards. Who am I talking to?”

“Hello, here is Norma, Jade’s mum,” the voice said and I could hear she was not that happy. She sounded pretty upset and her voice was cracking at the end, as if she was crying. “Have you seen my daughter? Please tell me she is with you… She didn’t come home yesterday after school and I am worrying sick about her.”

My body froze and I couldn’t answer. I heard her asking me over and over again, but my mouth had forgotten how to move and my brain had forgotten how to form sentences. It was like my heart was being ripped out of my chest and smashed to the ground, where it broke into a million pieces.

Jade was missing.


	14. Chapter 14

Perrie’s POV

It had been three days now since none of had heard a word of Jade and I was practically dying inside. I mean, it was already bad enough that she, the girl I was in love with, was gone, it was also that we parted after a fight, which was killing me.

What if she had done anything to herself because of our fight and her break-up with Liam?

No, I wasn’t even allowed to think about this.

She was just somewhere… If I only knew where… I would go and find her and kick some butts, because they kept her away from me for that long. This got me so frustrated! Why couldn’t she just walk up to me, hug me and tell me nothing had happened to her?

This was just not fair… I needed my poor Jade back. She was so vulnerable…

How could I save her?

***

Jade’s POV

I had no plan of anything. I hadn’t seen the daylight for… I had no idea. I had no feeling of time whatsoever anymore. It was dark in the room I was in, except for a single oil lamp, hanging above me. If I would stand up I could touch it, but I just couldn’t.

It wasn’t like I was tied somewhere but I hadn’t eaten anything since I was here and all I had done in the meantime was curling myself up onto this rather hard bed without any sheets and crying. I had been asleep for always a little bit, but I had no feeling of time.

Maybe I had been in here for a day, maybe for a week or maybe only for a few hours; I really had no idea.

I heard a noise and the door creaked open – it was wooden but too hard to break. I had calculated my chances and the door was way too heavy for my tiny body. If only Perrie was here with me now… She probably was tiny and small, but that girl had some power…

Wait, no, Perrie shouldn’t be here with me!

Of course I was scared about myself but no matter how weird it was, I was more worrying about how Perrie was. I cried a lot since I was here and I was just tired and wanted to sleep…

I looked up at the person who had entered the room and the person – I couldn’t tell who it was since the person was wearing something to hide their face – and felt myself coughing. My throat hurt because I also had nothing to drink. The person gave me a bottle with some clear liquid inside (hopefully water) and a plate with some food on it.

Then they went out without another word.

They were pretty tall, taller than one of the guys I knew from school, and also pretty broad-shouldered. It made me shiver and again I felt myself crying. Why did this have to happen to me? Didn’t I go through enough already? Hadn’t I had to stand so much already?

I didn’t take the food or the water and wrapped my hands around my legs again. I rested my forehead against my knees and led the tears flow again.

Maybe I should just die in here…

I hadn’t realized that I had fallen asleep until someone woke me up rather harsh. I looked up into a pair of dark eyes, but I couldn’t tell which colour they were. They could’ve been blue or green, I wouldn’t have known because it was too dark in the room and I felt dizzy.

“Why didn’t you eat?” This guy asked. His voice was deep but I didn’t think I had ever heard it before in my life. “Eat now, or do you want to die?” He practically pushed the plate towards me and frightened I picked up the fork. I got some food onto it and put it to my mouth. I was afraid to eat whatever he had given to me there but I was more afraid of not doing what he was telling me to do – I was sure he would hurt me then.

I slowly ate the food, being watched by the guy. I couldn’t tell anything about him really, only that he was big and looked dangerous to me. I had no idea either where I was or why I even was here. “Good. And now drink or you’ll dehydrate.”

I nodded and sipped on the water. My mum had once told me that you needed to drink only a little when you hadn’t drunken anything for a while because else you would throw up. “Hurry up, I don’t have time all day.”

“W-what day is it?” I asked, my voice trembling. I barely recognized it as my own – not only was it shaky, also it was raspy and scratched the insides of my throat because of the dryness.

“Hm, it’s the seventh of December.”

That meant I was in here for four days now. Well, not that much, but still something. My parents were surely worrying sick and maybe also Liam and Perrie… Perrie. My heart hurt when I was thinking about her and a sob escaped my mouth. Why couldn’t he just let me go?

Why hadn’t I told Perrie about my true feelings before it was too late?

“Stop crying,” he groaned and I could see he was rolling his eyes. “I need to go now but I will come back later. Don’t go anywhere.” He left again and let me alone. He closed the door and again I curled myself into a ball.

Where was I supposed to go? Did he think I would have some superpowers and break the door and run away? I wasn’t even stupid enough for trying.

I felt a bit better now and my hands still were holding tightly onto the water bottle. He had told me to hurry up but before I had finished he left. What was his problem?

And who was he?

Like promised some time later he came back, with another bottle of water and some more food. First he let me starve for four days and then suddenly he seemed to try to fatten me. “How are you?” He suddenly asked and curiously I knitted my eyebrows.

“How would you feel?” I asked and had to cough because my throat was still dry.

He laughed a bitter laugh and sat down next to me. “You can eat with me if you want to. You can call me J, by the way, but I won’t tell you my full name yet. We will see where this is going to, okay?” He asked, suddenly all friendly and like we were best friends. Well, if you wouldn’t listen to his words properly, you would really think we were friends.

“Will you talk to me or?” He asked and I looked up at him. I blinked, surprised by his change of mood. Today, when he told me to eat, he was anything else but nice and now… he seemed to want to be my friend.

“Sorry,” I muttered, not wanting him to become angry again.

“So, what did you do today?”

I looked at him and let my eyes and expression say ‘are you being serious?’ but he didn’t mind at all. “Err… I was in this room… and I ate and slept.”

“Sounds boring. Why didn’t you go out?”

“Because I can’t?” I asked confused.

“Ha-ha, sorry, I just love saying things that make no sense and confuse others. I love confusing people, don’t ask me why. It’s just way too funny. So… what do you think why you are here?” He took a bite of a chicken wing and smiled sympathetically at me, as if it wasn’t his fault why I was here.

“Err… no, I am sorry, I don’t…” I murmured and accepted the chicken wing he was giving to me. “Would you maybe explain it to me?”

“But then I would have to reveal who I am,” he grinned and showed me his teeth. Even though it was a genuine smile it somehow scared me but that was probably because I was scared of this guy in general. “Okay then,” he sighed as I didn’t return his smile. “My name is Jonnie.”

For a moment I had no idea who he was but then my eyes widened. “Are you… are you Perrie’s brother?” I asked scared and shuffled in my seat. It was suddenly really hot in here and the urge to get away from here grew. I knew what he had done to Perrie just a while ago and she was his sister. If he was able to hurt his sister this much, how much would he hurt a stranger?

“Now you still don’t know why you’re here, right?” He asked and showed me this smile of his again, that had scared me so much. “Well, it’s a long story… and of course it has to do with my sister. It’s not your fault that you’re in here, it’s just that you’re so close to her, you know?”

I knitted my eyebrows curiously and tilted my head to the side. “What do you mean? Perrie and I have been fighting before you kidnapped me,” I explained and he nodded knowingly.

“Yes, but that was somewhat predictable. I’ll see how long it will take to get over you but I think it will take some time. I didn’t see any threat in those other girls, Jesy and Leigh-Anne and also not in this other girl, because this one has gone herself. But you managed to get really close to her within such a short time… and I thought I had to step in.”

As he didn’t speak on I stared down at my feet. They were still covered in my shoes, the ones that I only wore to my school uniform. Which made me remember that I still wore my school uniform… for four days now. I hadn’t taken a shower and I was just angry and sad and frustrated.

“Anyway, I hope you liked the food. My mum cooked it, but she doesn’t know I have a visitor.” He winked ever so slightly and I winced. “Always remember, Jade, you are only here because of my little sister.” And with that he walked out.

I crawled back onto the bed and shook my head. Perrie wasn’t the reason why I was here. The only reason was that he was some psych that couldn’t stand it when his sister was happy. I groaned and put my knees to my chest to hug my feet again – I didn’t have anything else.

***

I was woken up by some noise and scared I sat up and blinked around so my view would become clear. “Jade?” A high voice asked and I looked around frantically. “Perrie? Where are you?” I asked and looked around but it was too dark to see anyone.

“I am right here,” she whispered and I could feel her hands on my shoulder. Immediately I threw myself into her arms and hugged her tightly as the tears streamed down my face. “How did you find me?” I asked her and looked up – her eyes were sparkling even now and I just had to smile slightly.

“I’ll never leave you again,” she whispered into my hair and soothed my back. I started crying again but this time because of happiness – she had found me and she would bring me out of here. Perrie was here to save me. What else could I do except for crying?

“Jade,” her brother said and I winced, afraid of what he would do to Perrie now – would he hurt her again? Would he throw another vase at her? Or would he beat her up with his bare hands? “Jade, come on,” he pleaded and confused I knitted my eyebrows.

I couldn’t even see him but due to the volume of his voice I knew he was practically next to me. “Ugh, Jade, don’t annoy me now!” He said angrily and I felt something hitting my cheek.

I gasped and blinked, finding myself on the bed of the dark room again. It had only been a dream. Perrie wasn’t here to save me. She wasn’t there to protect me from her big brother and she was probably not even in the building. If I only knew which building I was in!

“Finally!” He groaned and sat down next to me. “I thought you would never wake up. You were smiling – what have you been dreaming about?”

“This is not your business,” I muttered under my breath but regretted it immediately.

“Tell me,” he demanded and his tone didn’t allow any protest so I looked down at my hands. My fingers were fumbling and I was afraid of what he would do if I told the truth. Should I make up a lie? “I was thinking about my boyfriend,” I murmured

“Don’t lie,” he said. “I know you broke up with Liam and I also know why… I am just curious… who is this other person you were speaking of? I know you never said ‘he’, so I was curious… is it probably Perrie?” He smiled cheekily and I would have loved to slap him so he would leave me alone but I wasn’t able to – I was too afraid to move.

Did I make it this obvious?

And since when was he stalking me already?

“So, is it my sister? Because if yes I need to do something else so you stay away from her? Tell me, Jade, why did you change to this school? If you wouldn’t have you would never be sitting here.”

I pursed my lips and looked up into his eyes so I could see if he was laughing at me or really just curious. It was so absurd – he was being kind of nice towards me but that was what scared me the most. He was some psych and I knew exactly what he was able to do… at least I hoped I did. If it was even worse than what I was thinking I was a hopeless case and would die in this room, through his hand.

“Jade? I am waiting.” He looked a little pissed right now and before I could even open my mouth he slapped my across the face before he jumped up. “If I ask you something next time you will answer,” he growled and stomped out of the room, locking the door behind him.

I let myself sink into the bed again and hugged my feet, pretending to have Perrie next to me, who was warming me and telling me everything would turn out right. Maybe someday it would.

As I drifted off to sleep again it was like I could hear her voice, telling me she was there and she would get me out of here.


	15. Chapter 15

“Good morning, Jade, how was your sleep.”

“According to the current situation… amazing.” I tried to smile but I was still intimidated by him. I still didn’t know what he could do to me if I got him angry so I tried my best to say things that made him happy.

“I was thinking if we could play something? I need to be in work in two hours but in the meantime… we could play Truth or Dare.” He smiled and sat down next to me.

If I had been still a bit sleepy it now was all gone and I was wide awake. Did he really want to play this with me? This could be my chance to get out of here! “Okay, I am in,” I smiled and then knitted my eyebrows. “Am I allowed to say anything I want or?”

“Well,” he laughed and took a sip of the cup he was holding (most likely coffee like every morning) and smiled. “Of course you are not allowed to dare me to let you out of here. Except for that you’re free to do what you want.”

“Alright,” I smiled and suppressed a big smile. I already knew what I was going to say and it was not what he forbad me to. I looked at him expectantly and rubbed my eyes because I had just woken up and now that the first excitement was gone I was becoming a bit sleepy again. “Who starts?”

“Me. Okay, so truth or dare.”

“Truth,” I smiled and put my hands in my lap, waiting for his response. I had to admit that I was afraid of what he would ask me but the thought of maybe getting out of here was too big. I couldn’t think of anything else anymore!

“Okay, who was the first person you ever had a crush on?”

I had no idea why he wanted to know such things but this was an easy question since he most likely wouldn’t know that guy after all. “His name was Connor Robinson,” I said and looked away, as if I was thinking back about him with a sad smile. “My teachers told me to tutor him and he was the only one nice in school, or at least I thought so. He kissed me and I thought he would really like me but it was just some sort of bet – he lost, because I didn’t sleep with him. I mean, I was only twelve or something?”

“Douche,” he murmured and I raised my eyebrows ever so slightly. Wasn’t what he was doing here way worse? At least I could protest about having sex with this guy – I had no control over this whatsoever. He shook his head in disapproval and sighed before he offered me a kind smile, which was confusing me again.

“Why are you so nice to me?” I asked before I could stop myself.

“Why shouldn’t I? You haven’t done anything wrong.”

Now I was really confused. “But… why are you keeping me in here then?”

He laughed again and shook his head with a smile on his lips. “I told you the day we first really talked, remember? I told you, it’s all about Perrie. It’s her fault that you’re in here and I will keep you in here until you realize that and leave her. I am her big brother and I supposed to protect her, also from a heart break. And I know you will break her heart.”

“But when you’re supposed to protect her, why did you throw a vase at her?” I asked, confused. Why would he do this all? Why couldn’t he just tell me everything and get me out of this confusion? Why couldn’t he just let me escape?

“Oh, she told you?” He asked, seriously confused. He probably thought he would know everything about my and Perrie’s bond, but apparently he didn’t. But how could he know when he didn’t know I was sleeping at Perrie’s when he and their parents were gone? “Well, my mum was telling me she was about to kill ‘her useless daughter who is only costing her millions of pounds’ and I tried to stop her but she wouldn’t listen to me. So I decided to throw anything at her, because no matter how much I love everyone in my family, Perrie is always first.”

“Oh.” I said because I honestly didn’t know what else to say. Did she know how much he loved her? And that he only did this for her, even if it was a kind of weird way to show her this way… Why didn’t he just tell her like normal people and not kidnap one of her best friends? “And… sorry if I’m being too curious… but what about this trips you and your parents do once in a while? You know, when you go somewhere over the weekend or for a night and leave Perrie alone? Where do you go?”

“You’re really curious,” he smiled but didn’t seem offended. It was really interesting to see him opening up to me so much. I really wouldn’t have expected this… “Well, I know that my parents… never wanted me or Perrie but they somehow didn’t give us away. Which would have been better, for both of us, even if they would have seperated us. But I am also glad somehow they didn’t because I learnt how it is if you need to look after someone who is weaker than you. I am not sure Perrie knows what I do for her, I guess she sees the evil big brother in me.” He sighed sadly and looked away and I really felt sympathy for him, no matter how weird this was. How could I have sympathy for someone who kept me locked in some dark room so his younger sister would forget me or until I would hate her?

“Anyway, I know when my mum has drunk too much she always gets in this mood… where she wants to get rid of Perrie. My dad is more or less harmless, all he does is shouting, but which dad doesn’t? Anyway, my dad and I decided we would always take her away for a night or two when she is in this mood again. We drive to Oxford then and let her sober up with some coffee and all this stuff. I really don’t know why she loathes Perrie so much…” He sighed and shook his head sadly.

“Can I ask you one last question?” I asked pleadingly and smiled sadly. I really felt sorry for all he had to go through.

“Yeh, sure, you already know everything.”

I cleared my throat and sat straight up because I felt awkward asking this now, even if it wasn’t as… informative as the others. I just needed to know. “If you want to save Perrie, why are you keeping me here? I will tell you a secret now… I love Perrie, okay? I would never dare to hurt her, seriously. This, what has happened, was all a big misunderstanding. I wanted to tell her that I still loved her and that she wasn’t annoying me at all. She means everything to me, and I swear that I would never hurt her. Don’t you hurt her if you keep me here? You yourself said that Perrie and I are really close and that I mean something to her too. Please, let me go. I will make her happy, as long as she wants me to. If she doesn’t want me anymore, I will go, I swear by god. You hurt her with this, if what you said is true.”

For a moment he looked away, his chin in his hand. He seemed to be thinking about my words, weighing the options and probably if he could trust me. What reason would I have to lie? Okay, maybe I had a reason, but I really did love Perrie and I really would want to make up with her and tell her how much I loved her.

“If I would let you go…” He murmured and my heart beat increased. Would he really let me go? Wide eyed I waited for him to go on and it seemed to take an eternity before he opened his mouth again. “If I would let you go, what would you say where you have been? Or why no-one could contact you? Would you tell them it was me? Again Perrie would think I was the monster…”

“Well… I could try to explain it to her.”

“I know exactly what would happen,” he laughed bitterly. “She would ask you why you’re defending me, and then she would be angry at the two of us. I… I would really let you go, if you could tell me an excuse.”

“I… I…” Frantically I was looking for an excuse I could tell anybody. If it wasn’t for the three of us – Perrie, Jonnie and I – I would tell the truth. But I didn’t want anyone to know it was him. He only did this to save his sister’s heart and I seriously understood his moves. He just did it all too fast, without thinking properly and I surely wasn’t one to judge when I had been judged for years. I never wanted to be one of those people. “I could say I… I had been… tripped somewhere in the woods when I was walking to Perrie’s… I was in the woods, because I had to pee and I couldn’t hold it anymore. And people know I am clumsy, so maybe the believe me? And I had hurt my foot and couldn’t stand up and my battery had been running low so I couldn’t call anyone and I survived because of the food and water in my schoolbag.” I smiled proudly and he looked surprised.

“Do you think you can tell this everyone? Even Perrie, the person you yourself said you loved the most?” For the first time I really saw his face, without the friendly mask he kept all the time, and I could see he was broken. He really needed Perrie’s love.

“Yes, because I see how much you love her and you need her too.” I smiled warmly. “And if you bring me to the hospital you can even say you found me and brought me there so you’re the hero.”

And I think that was the moment where I first had seen a genuine smile. It was exactly like Perrie’s, his eyes were sparkling and the right corner of his lips was slightly parted. “I am so sorry for kidnapping you, Jade, I should’ve known better.” He smiled but then bit his lower lip. “What are we going to do because of your foot? It needs to be hurt.”

“I know.” I sighed and bit my lip, looking down at my foot. I was afraid to hurt it but I needed to do this. I got up and then walked through the room on my tiptoes. I found a whole on the floor and walked there on purpose. I felt my foot not being able to hold my body’s weight on the whole and fell over – before I could hit my head too Jonnie grabbed my upper body and pulled me close to him.

“Ow!” I exclaimed and bit my lip, pressing my eyelids together. This had hurt more than I had expected and I could tell my foot now was seriously injured.

“Jade Thirlwall, you just gained a lot of respect from me. And now, let’s go to the hospital.” He said and held me bridal style. This way he opened the door with his foot and I finally felt free again.


	16. Chapter 16

“Oh my gosh, Jay, you have no idea how worried I was about you!”

“Don’t worry, Pez,” I smiled and stroke her back, since her arms were still wrapped around my upped body. I couldn’t deny the warm feeling in my stomach, but to be honest, I learnt to accept it. I knew what it was like with Perrie and I also decided to tell her, when I got out of the hospital. I secretly hoped I would be stuck in here for a week or something because I was shitting my pants but unfortunately I was released tomorrow so I only had one day to think about what to say…

“Thanks to your brother, he found me there.”

“I know, and I am really sorry for what has happened between us before. I really am, it was all just a big misunderstanding… Liam was really depressed the last few days. Did you two really break up?” She sat down on the bed, next to me, and held my hand firmly. I could tell she was afraid of losing me again and I just couldn’t help the redness on my cheeks. I had missed her energy so much and now that she was here, sitting and talking to me, being happy and telling me how worried she was about me just made me the happiest girl alive.

“Yup. I told him that what I was feeling for him wasn’t enough and that I didn’t want to be so mean and lie to him all the time…”

She nodded knowingly and I tensed up. Did he also tell her why my feelings for him weren’t strong enough?

“I think Liam and I were the worst,” she laughed, but I could hear she was nervous. She never wanted to be the vulnerable one, but sometimes she would show me her true face, even if she was sad, and that was at the same time heartwrenching but also heartwarming – the knowledge that she trusted me enough to see her true feelings… was just overwhelming.

“It seemed to affect Harry a lot… I didn’t know you were close to him.” She bit her lower lip and then sighed, shaking her head. I could see she was trying to tell me something but she didn’t know the words.

“Perrie?” I asked and squeezed her hand, causing her face to flush red. “If you want to tell me anything, tell me.” I smiled reassuringly and nodded encouragingly, as her eyes widened. How bad could it be? Was she going out with Zayn now? “If it’s about you and Zayn, I kind of guessed it already.”

She looked at me shocked, then started laughing. “Me and Zayn?” She asked and already held her stomach. “Sorry, Jade, I really love Zayn but he is more like a brother to me, you know? Never could I date him, it’d be just too weird… Speaking of brothers, what did Jonnie do in the woods?”

“Same reason,” I sighed and looked down at my foot. It was slightly swollen by now but it didn’t hurt much – maybe I should be high because of the amount of painkillers I took already. “He needed to pee too. At first I had no idea who he was, but I was happy there was at least somebody.”

“Oh my god, me too! We were so worried about you, like seriously! I know it is weird, because we only know for three weeks or something but you are like my closest friend…” She blushed and bit her forefinger’s nail.

“I feel so too – and I really wanted you to rescue me.” I laughed nervously as I realized what I had said. Why did I make it this obvious?!

“Jade, my baby, how are you?!” The shrieking voice of my mum made Perrie jump and with an awkward smile-and-wave-move she walked out of the room, leaving me alone with my parents. Of course they both wrapped their arms around me and when I looked up I could even see Karl – did he only come back home because of me?

“Jade!” He exclaimed, grabbed me by my waist and swirled me around until I felt dizzy. He still was turning round and round in the middle of the room, me on his feet, and we just smiled at each other – I loved my brother with all my heart because he was the one who used to protect me from the bullies in school earlier. I was kind of ashamed that I hardly thought about him when I was in Jonnie’s room. “Poopy, I missed you so freaking much! Are you okay?”

“I’d be okay if you would stop calling me poopy,” I murmured, rolling my eyes with a smile on my lips. It was annoying, because this was my nickname since I was little, but deep down I knew that I loved it when he still called me this because it reminded me on the good times, when I was in nursery and children were still nice towards me.

“Aww, come on, Jade, I haven’t seen you in ages! I was worried sick when mum and dad called me, telling me you were missing!” His normal joking self had now disappeared and got replaced by a worried expression – I hadn’t seen this face since he had caught me cutting once and he only looked like this when he was really sad or depressed because of something, mostly because of me. He never was one of those outsider kids, but he had never been one of those super popular kids either.

“Okay,” I gave in and sat down on the bed again, were my parents hugged me tightly.

“We were so worried,” my dad murmured close to my ear. I could hear he was close to tears and swallowed the lump in my throat. “I am okay, dad. And I’m sorry for doing this to you…”

“Jadey, what are you doing?” My mum asked sighing. “Please try being more careful, okay? We all love you, and everyone was looking for you. We thought you got kidnapped or something…” She shuddered, a sign that she didn’t even want to think what ‘or something’ could’ve been.

“I’m so sorry, mum, but tomorrow I am home again and then everything is going to be normal. By the way, you need to thank Jonnie later, he saved me. He is Perrie’s brother.” I smiled and right that moment he entered, smiling awkwardly.

“Oh my god, thank you so much, Mr Edwards!” My mum shouted and ran to hug Jonnie, who blushed furiously red. His hands were half raised and he just stared at my mum with wide eyes, making me laugh.

***

“Do you have everything?” Mum asked.

“Yup. Can I pee before we go please? You can take my suitcases in the meantime, yeh?”

She raised her eyebrow at me and shook her head. “I only trust you to go to the toilet alone because we’re in a hospital and people can immediately help you if you trap again.” My mum sighed and kissed my forehead before she walked out with my suitcase. Even though I had told her yesterday I only stayed for one night she insisted on bringing me all my clothes and makeup stuff and whatever you could think of.

After I went out of the toilet in the ground floor I stopped as I saw Perrie waiting in the door – we wanted to meet today but I thought she’d get me from my house, after I was home for a while. I seriously missed my home like hell; after all I haven’t been there for like five days. “Hey, what are you doing here?” I asked her smiling and she gave me a nervous smile.

“Can we talk?” She asked and nervously I nodded, following her into the hospital’s park. “You were right yesterday when I told you that I needed to tell you something…” She murmured and sighed, looking down at her trembling hands. I had never seen her so nervous – what could it be?

“Perrie, I need to tell you something too,” I said and I knew I needed to tell her now, before she could tell me anything else. I needed her to know now – I didn’t even care anymore if she rejected me, I needed to know now what she would say. I knew she liked me, so maybe she wouldn’t care – maybe we could still stay friends.

“W-what do you want to tell me?” She asked and looked up at me, her blue eyes meeting mine. They had this blue sparkle again, when she was happy and she smiled slightly, but still genuine. “No, wait, I need first!” She moaned and sat down on a bench, patting on the empty seat next to her. “I wanted to tell you yesterday already but then I didn’t know what to say and then I was bringing up Harry because Liam told me you liked someone else and it seems like you’re really close to him and I thought you liked Harry…”

“Wait… What are you trying to tell me?” I asked, my heart beating fast. I hardly could breathe and I was close to having a breakdown – the tense was almost killing me. Did she like me? No, that couldn’t be… could it? My hands started sweating and I could hear my heart in my ears already – probably she could hear it too.

She shuffled a little closer to our knees were touching and I almost whimpered – how could that little bit of contact drive me crazy? “Jade, I am sorry.” She bit her lower lip before both her hands suddenly grabbed my cheeks and pulled my face closer to hers. She closed her eyes and pressed our foreheads again. I couldn’t hold the tension anymore and leant in, brushing her lips with mine. For a second she didn’t respond, maybe shocked because I kissed her – and not vice versa – but within seconds she pressed her lips closer to mine. We didn’t move, we just enjoyed each other’s touch but she suddenly seemed to want more and moved her lips against mine, urging me to kiss her back. It felt like I was sitting on a cloud instead of a bench and I didn’t need to breathe, because all I needed was her right now – her lips, her hands on my cheeks, her nose brushing against mine whenever she would turn her face a bit more.

She broke apart from me, a huge grin on her face. It was probably the biggest I had ever seen and she giggled like a little girl. “Okay, I tell you now,” she smiled and giggled again. “I’m in love with you.”


	17. Chapter 17

“When will we tell the others?”

“I only want to tell Harry by now. If you want to, you can tell Jesy or Leigh-Anne, but I want both of us only to have one person to know, if you don’t mind,” I smiled and kissed her nose, trying to stop the pout on her face – it happened the way I wanted it to her and pout (unwillingly) turned into a smile.

“I cannot resist you when you’re so cute,” she smiled and kissed my nose this time.

We were in my room because my mum allowed her to sleep over again, after I had asked her. It was close to midnight and freezing cold outside – we could hear the wind howling and the branches crashed against the windows, but here, cuddled up in my duvets, we both didn’t mind. We had our arms around each other and now my head was buried into her chest since I was the smaller one. When I first realized that I liked Perrie I always thought the next time we cuddled it would be weird and uncomfortable but I couldn’t find a place where I wanted to be more right now – this felt perfect.

“Are you tired already, Jadey?” She asked and I felt she was wrapping a stroke of my hair around her finger.

“A little bit,” I admitted and even though I hadn’t planned it I opened my mouth wide to yawn. I muttered a sorry and she giggled, tightening the grip around my waist.

“Sleep well and sweet dreams,” she murmured and kissed my forehead, causing me to shiver in a good way. Why did her touch feel so good? I had never felt this way and I never wanted to miss it. “And I will tell it only Jesy, if that makes you happy. Even though I have two best friends.”

“Me too,” I murmured, now feeling really sleepy. “But I’ll only tell one because the other one already knows.”

“Aww!” She squealed and snuggled her head into the crook of my neck so her cheek was now on mine. “Now seriously, sleep tight.”

“You too… Oh, and Pez?”

“Hm?”

“Love you.”

“Love you more,” she whispered and I felt her lips against my forehead again before I drifted off.

***

“Oh my god, Jade, you’re back!”

The moment I entered school almost everyone was running towards me. Arms were around my shoulders, my waist, my head, trying to hug me and voices told me how much they had missed me. I spotted a head of brown locks and removed myself from the mob, telling them I was okay. Then I walked up to Harry, who was leaning against my locker. He hugged me tightly and breathed out relieved. “Liam told me they found you but it’s still a big relief to see you in person,” he smiled and let me go, leaning back against the locker again. “How are you feeling? And how is your foot?”

“Hello,” I smiled and shook my head. “I really appreciate your worry about me, but you always need to say ‘hello’ first, Styles.”

He rolled his eyes at me and together we walked to our first class. Perrie and I already seperated at the car because she had maths now and I had physics, and I didn’t want to separate from her in front of everyone. “Well, okay, hello then, how are you and your foot?” He asked.

“We’re okay,” I smiled and bit my lower lip. I really wanted to tell him but I was afraid of how to. “How was Liam taking the break-up?” I started it – before he was my friend, he was Liam’s and I didn’t want to tell him already if Liam was still… sad because of what had happened between us.

“I think it was more your accident that kind of… made him really depressed. He told me your broke up, because of the reason you told me, and he seemed sad, but also did he seem to accept it. But the next day, when Perrie told us, you were missing, he was going mental.” He ran a hand through his curls and sat down at a seat next to mine, although it wasn’t his.

“How did Perrie know? And what do you mean by ‘mental’?”

“Your mum called her, asking if she knew anything about your whereabouts. Of course Perrie asked her why she was calling and then your mum told her you didn’t come home the day before and that you were missing. The thing about Liam… well, he wasn’t himself really anymore. He wasn’t as calm as he usually is, you know him. He was hyper, couldn’t sit still and was biting his fingernails all the time. He was seriously worried – but same was Perrie. We all know something is bothering her, for years now, but she never had shown so openly as she did as you were gone. You really must mean something to her.”

Thankfully he had to walk away now because our teacher had come in, so he couldn’t see me blush. I really wanted to tell him… but there was this voice in my head telling me he would judge me. I really had enough of being judged, so it wasn’t easy for me to tell anybody – after all I only told Jonnie about my feelings because else he wouldn’t have let me go. Maybe I would still sit in this dark room, only because he thought he couldn’t trust me. I would never tell anyone the truth, because I promised it to him and in some way it connected us.

“And it is nice to have you back,” our teacher said towards me. “I hope it was nothing too bad that kept you away from school, Ms Thirlwall?”

“She was in the woods for a few days without food and anything to drink because she hurt her food,” some guy, whose name I didn’t even know, shouted and my teacher’s eyes widened. “Well, then it is even better that you are back. I hope that you will not make us worry so hard again – the school was almost doing one of those search operations.”

My face paled and I suppressed the urge to shake my head – if Jonnie would’ve waited only a few more days they would’ve looked for me, even in the woods, and then my excuse would be discovered as a lie. “Well, thankfully Mr Edwards, a friend of mine, found me.” I smiled and with a smile he returned to the class, blabbing about whatever we were doing right now. My concentration wasn’t really there anymore, to be honest.

***

“And? What did he say?” She asked and linked our arms – she couldn’t just hold my hand, but we had agreed that we would do small things like this to stay in touch, literally.

“I… I didn’t tell him.” I bit my lower lip and looked at her with a risen eyebrow.

“Oh.” She simply said and her smile faded. Then it appeared again and she giggled. “Jesy was totally amazed. She said she is really happy for us and also offered to help us if we needed anything from her.”

“That’s great!” I cheered and she nodded.

“I don’t understand though why you don’t want to tell anyone.” She pouted and sighed. “Are you ashamed of us?”

“What?!” I shouted and everyone’s attention was at us. We quickly turned around and walked down the hallway in the opposite direction. “Of course not, Pez, but… I am afraid what people will say.”

“Well, I don’t care,” she smiled and pulled my even closer so our faces were almost touching. “If you would let me I would brag around with it, telling everyone that you’re my cute little girlfriend. I don’t care what others say, as long as it’s something bad. I really like you a lot Jade, and I think I’ve hidden my feelings long enough. I just want everyone to know, you understand?”

“Yes, but you also don’t know what it is like to be called names for years…” I murmured and breathed out shakily, earning a confused look by her.

“What do you mean?”

“Did you never wonder why I was never doing something with people from my old school?” I asked and could feel my eyes sting. “Or why I am now at this school, for no reason?”

She gaped and looked at me with sympathy. “Jade, why did you never tell me?”

“Because I thought if I wouldn’t tell you, you wouldn’t mind. At the beginning my biggest worry was that you would see the same in me those other people saw – the loser behind the book no-one likes. People exploited me for not telling anyone and keeping quiet. Now I know how stupid it was but I was too weak to defend myself.” I sighed and wiped my eyes because I felt myself crying – why did I cry? Why did I still mind? I now had a better life, with friends and even a girlfriend, which loved me.

“Jade, why would you ever think that I would see this in you? You’re the most perfect girl I’ve ever seen and these people only didn’t like you because they were too stupid to look behind your face – even though I cannot understand why not even your face could wrap them around your finger.” Even now she managed to make me laugh a little and that brought a slight smile upon her face. “Look, Jesy, Leigh, Niall, Liam, Harry, Louis and Zayn – we all love you to bits, okay? Also the others from school want to be friends with you. Haven’t you seen the people that hugged you when you entered the school?”

I smiled even more and breathed out again, happy I could finally tell her. “And if this is really bothering you so much, of course I will wait to tell everyone how much I love you and how wonderful you are and that you belong with me.”

We both giggled and almost bumped into Louis and Harry, who walked through school, hand in hand. “Oh, and Harry?” I asked before they could go away. “I now have who I am in love with,” I grinned and grabbed Perrie’s hand, holding it up into the sky.

He laughed, shaking his head. “I knew it!” He shouted, because he was already far away and Perrie giggled.

“Thank you,” she whispered and quickly put a kiss onto my cheek. “And I’m sorry for the public kiss, I just couldn’t resist you because you’re such a brave and wonderful girl.”

Blushing deeply red we entered the cafeteria.


	18. Chapter 18

It’s been a month now since Perrie and I were together – nothing really changed, or at least not in school. Harry had convinced me to tell Louis because of course the older boy had found out his boyfriend was hiding something from him and I didn’t want to be the reason for their break-up. Jesy had also convinced us to tell Leigh-Anne because we kind of were like four musketeers (not my words, just saying).

Of course we couldn’t keep as a secret from our friends for long and now Niall, Liam (who looked really sad when we told him), Zayn, Harry, Louis, Jesy and Leigh knew. This was quite a bunch of people because if it would go the way I wanted it to, we would still be a secret couple – to everyone. But I was already grateful that she wasn’t shouting around she was my girlfriend (it still sounded so new and amazing!), and it felt amazing that she would rather listen to me than follow her own wishes – that was one of the things I really loved about her.

Like usually, we sat in the cafeteria, Perrie’s hand brushing my hand now and then, only because of the people around who didn’t know yet. I knew how much she wanted to grab and hold it, and I was just the same, but the fear, what other people would think of us was still there.

“By the way, after school I need to get something from home before we go ice eating. Will you go to the ice cream parlour or will you go with me?” She had plastered one of her biggest and most innocent smiles on her face and this way I just couldn’t resist her.

After school we went to her house, our arms linked and she looked at me pouting. “Please let me hold your hand?” She whined. “We’re girls, no-one will mind.”

She didn’t need another word; I just grabbed her hand and entwined our fingers. No matter how long we were together already, I still felt my heart racing or my breath hitching when she was near. You’d think I got used to it, but it still was there.

“Wait here, I’ll be right back,” she smiled and kissed my forehead before she walked inside. I leant against the door and breathed out happily – a bit more than a month ago I had been locked in some room in this house and a normal person would have a trauma, but not me. I really didn’t mind being here, because when I was around I was only thinking of the good things that had happened, like when I first slept here.

After some time I got impatient and knitted my eyebrows. Normally Perrie would come out within at least a minute but now she was in there for five minutes already, and of course I got worried. With a woman like her mother in the house…

I knocked on the door and shouted her name but I got no response. “Perrie, if you hear me please open the door,” I half-shouted. I felt like my voice was breaking because I couldn’t stand the thought of Perrie being hurt from her own mum. How could she want to get rid of her, such a wonderful person? “Perrie!”

The door opened and I looked into the face of a rather old man, his hair was still a bit brown but mostly a bit grey-ish and his eyes were dull, but I could still recognize the blue Perrie’s eyes had, too. “Sorry, err, why is Perrie? We wanted to go somewhere but she didn’t come out now…”

“She said she wouldn’t go,” the guy explained sympathetically. “She said, if you were asking for her, you should go and talk to Jonnie.”

Confused I knitted my eyebrows. “What does she mean?” I asked curiously.

“You are a liar!” She shouted from upstairs and I made a step inside the house to see her petite figure on the stairs, the only way to the second floor. “You should’ve told me, we could’ve sent him to jail, this bastard!” She ran down the stairs, towards me and glared at me, causing my heart to ache. “But what are you doing?! Defending the guy that has kidnapped you! Seriously, why? You know what he has done, to you, to me, to my life. And still you protect him. How dare you betraying me like this, after all what we have done? After all I trusted you?!”

“Perrie, I can-”

“No, I really don’t need it. You were the first person I trusted truly after everything that has happened and you betray me. Seriously, I am so done with you and all humans on this planet. And if this wasn’t clear enough to you, it is over.” It was like she would stress the word and speak slowly, only to hear my heart breaking.

“Perrie, please-” Before I could say any other word she slammed the door and I bit my lip, trying to hold back the tears that stung my eyes. I couldn’t feel anything at the moment, only the feeling of my heart slowly fading in my chest. Normally, when Perrie was around, it would pump fast, making the blood rush through my body and keeping me alive. Now, that she had told me she wouldn’t want me, that she would end this all, it was like my heart was tired and just wanted to lie down and sleep, not bothering keeping me alive.

It was like my whole body, now that I needed it the most, would give up on me and leave me. As if it rather wanted to be with Perrie than with me, and maybe it was true. What was I worth without her? Without her I had nothing, no friends.

Without her meant without myself. She had changed me completely, in a better self and now that she was gone she had taken it with her again. I didn’t want to turn back into this person I used to be, the one everyone would pick out to punch and prank only to have someone.

And mostly didn’t I want her to leave me because I wanted her to stay – with me. I needed her with me, saying me that she loved me all the time. How could I believe she really loved me?

Maybe she did – it was all my fault though. I had kept a secret from her, knowing how easily she could break. People saw her as the strong blonde that could fight back everyone, but I had seen her crying a few times already. Did she cry now, because I hurt her again?

How could I do this to her?! Why didn’t I just let Jonnie kill me after some time? That would’ve caused her less pain… I just ruined it all.

I hadn’t recognized that I still stood in front of her door as my phone buzzed. I saw a text from Perrie and my heart made a jump, as if it had just awoken from a sleep. Immediately I was hyper, my face got back some colour and I felt the life coming back into my body.

But as I read the message all these emotions died down again, leaving me more tired than before. I was just so tired…

Go away from my house.

My hand shot up to my mouth, covering it so the sob that came across my lips wouldn’t be heard. I could feel my eyes filling with tears again and again a sob escaped my lips, causing my chest to hurt. What did I do to make her hate me? Never before had she glared at me and never before had she told me to go away from her.

But I wouldn’t disturb her anymore. Trying to hide my face from everyone, I took on my hoody and pulled the hood above my head. I held my head low, only looking at my feet. As if the day wouldn’t have been bad enough already it started raining heavily within seconds and I laughed bitterly, feeling like the main character of a movie.

But the difference was – in a movie two people would always find together. In the end, they would be happy together and nothing would separate them anymore. But this was reality, and I broke Perrie’s heart.

I only deserved feeling like a piece of shit for what I had done to her.

Thankfully m mum wasn’t at home so I only threw my schoolbag in some corner and ran up into my room, locking the door and jumping on my bed, clinging onto the duvets, not minding how wet I was and how childish I must’ve looked this moment.

I pressed my face into the pillow and led the tears flow, a mix of fear, the fear of losing her forever, anger, the anger I felt towards myself, and sympathy, the little bit of pride I still had in mine. I had no idea why it was still there. I should kill it because it was brave enough to lie to Perrie, the only person that had accepted me fully without criticizing me ever. She would love me back, never asking my motives and just enjoy my company.

Why did I have to ruin everything only to get out of this stupid room? I wouldn’t mind being still in there if I wouldn’t have hurt Perrie with my lie. I just wanted to take it all back.

Before I had moved to Perrie’s school I gave myself the fault for everything that had happened to me – I blamed myself for being the loser and now she made me believe it wasn’t my fault.

But this… no-one could ever convince me that this wasn’t my fault.

I broke Perrie’s heart, just like Jonnie had forecasted it. He was right, I only hurt her and I seriously deserved being kidnapped by him again, this time being killed. He knew it, he knew it was going to happen, and also he trusted me with this.

All I did was breaking people’s hearts and breaking my own promises.

I didn’t even deserve to die. The way I was like now, slowly dying from the inside was the only thing I deserved right now. I could myself getting a headache like I always did when I was crying too much and with the headache came the tiredness.

“I am so sorry,” I murmured and cuddled myself into the duvets, still wearing my school uniform and the hoody, and closed my eyes, trying to sleep it all away. With a bit luck it was only a bad dream and when I woke up Perrie would still lie next to me, telling me she loved and trusted me. And I would learn not to ever break her heart.


	19. Chapter 19

Perrie’s POV

*A little earlier that day*

Jade and I were going to my house because we wanted to go to get some ice cream but of course I had forgotten my money at home and I didn’t want to borrow anything from Jade (I think I was the boy in the relationship or at least the more dominant) so I had to go home first and get some money. Thankfully mum wasn’t at home, maybe buying some more wine and whatever she was drinking. Dad was in the living room and I went up to my room.

I opened my purse but it seemed that I had already spent all my money!

I tried to think where to get money in this house – I couldn’t ask dad because I still didn’t know what mum would do then if he would give me some. Maybe she would come home in the time I asked him and then I couldn’t go and get some ice cream with Jade.

I still didn’t know how I deserved her – she was such a perfect girl, she was lovable, she was funny, she was beautiful, she was smart and even though she had been bullied in school she was friendly to everyone. I still got furious when I thought that someone would even think about bullying her – what had she done wrong? Did she wear the wrong school uniform? Did she hit anyone?

No, because she was a nice girl and she didn’t deserve this all. No-one should ever think about hurting her because she was amazing. She would never lie or tell something that wasn’t true because she was innocent.

Again I thought about how to get money, she was probably impatient already – no wait, she was the patient one of us. I chuckled and decided to get some money from Jonnie’s room. I hadn’t been in his room since I was like twelve or something because mum locked me in there while Jonnie was somewhere with class. When Jonnie had come home again I hadn’t eaten or drunk anything in four days and was half dead but he helped me.

The next day he and mum had another fight, and he threw something at her again but she used me to protect herself again. It had always been like this – shouldn’t she protect me from him? And shouldn’t she be the one who would save me from Jonnie if he had locked me inside his room?

His room, or better his rooms were quite small, therefore he had two. The first one was only a bedroom with a bed and some clothes around on the floor. There also was a table in the middle of the room with two chairs.

But I didn’t think I would find money in here.

To be honest, I had never been in the second room so I didn’t know if it was a room or a bathroom but I was pretty surprised when I opened the door. It was a black pitched room without any lights – a small oil lamp hung on the wall above me but it didn’t burn right this moment. There were no windows, only a dirty bed and some clothes too. They looked like girl’s clothes and I shook my head – would he bring a girl here? Seriously? And why would she even take off her clothes?

As I came closer I saw it was only a jacket and as I lifted it up I realized there was something inside one of the pockets. The jacket looked familiar to me but I couldn’t tell where I had seen it already… I took out a purse of the pocket and smiled. “Jackpot,” I whispered and opened it. I looked for some money but there was only one pound inside…

I should hurry up, Jade was waiting for me!

I took out a card of the purse and saw it was a student-card, like the ones we had at school too. Would he bring a girl from my school-

I gasped as I saw the photo, even though it was dark. The red hair, this smile, these eyes… Could it be? I tried to read the name but it was too dark to see it in here.

I looked around for a flashlight but all I found was a piece of paper. I grabbed it and walked out with the student-card in my hands, back into my room. Now I could read on the card “Jade Thirlwall”. Okay, calm down, Perrie, Jonnie had saved her, maybe he had just found her jacket and brought it here. It doesn’t mean she was here with Jonnie.

I looked now at the piece of paper, which was pretty big and read on top: “Get Jade.”

What?

I read through it:

_“Get Jade._

_I need to get this girl and keep her away from Perrie. I know what will happen if I don’t and I really don’t want to risk this._

_So, I found out that they were fighting today. Perrie had just come home and I can hear her cry – what happened? I am pretty sure it was Jade’s fault and I need to do something against it. So, as I know Jade she will come here today to apologize and to find out what has happened between them. I will find her and then I will hit her head with something I find on my way._

_When she is unconscious I will bring her here and then I will keep her in here, trying to convince her that it is only Perrie’s fault that she is in here. Perrie will forget about her and then I will release her, when they are no longer friends.”_

_It ended here but I could see had had written something on the back side too. I could feel my eyes sting, the tears threatened to fall._

_“Today I released Jade. I told her everything, why I had kidnapped her. We agreed that I would let her go if she wouldn’t tell anyone that I had had here with me, keeping her away from everyone. She herself hurt her foot so the lie she invented seemed to be true – she would tell everyone that she wanted to go to Perrie’s and needed to pee. She had trapped in the woods and because of that she had hurt her foot so she couldn’t walk anymore. I seriously don’t know what to say, this was probably the nicest thing anyone has ever done. I regret kidnapping her, but at the same time I don’t because now I know I can trust her.”_

I ripped the paper in my hands and stared down at the white pieces on the floor. My sight was blurry and I could hear someone ringing on the doorbell and shouting my name – Jade.

How did she dare? Lying to me like this after all we had went through together?! How did she dare?! I trusted her, I kissed her, told her everything that had happened to me and is still happening and she just betrayed me. Did she only think about herself?!

She was the one who invented the lie, she was the one who hurt her foot and she was the one who lied to me. I actually was happy to have Jonnie because I thought he had saved the girl I was in love with.

I stomped down the stairs as I heard my dad talking to her and I glared at her, trying not show how much she hurt me. I tried to pretend that all I felt was anger, not the ache in my heart or the frustration I actually felt. She didn’t need to know that what she had done had actually gotten to me…

I don’t actually know what I shouted at her but before I slammed the door I could see her crying. I ran upstairs again and hid my face in the pillows, letting the tears flow. Never had I dared to fall in love with anybody, no boy or girl, because I expected them to hurt me, like my family did. I couldn’t trust anyone because everyone only wanted to hurt me.

Why did I let her wrap me around her finger? Why did I let myself fall for her and trust her? Why did I tell her everything? I got up and stared out of the window, seeing she was still there. Was she waiting for me to come back?

No way.

With trembling hands I got out my phone and typed in a text message. I didn’t need to see her reaction. She deserved these feelings for lying to me – never had I trusted anyone with my deepest secret, none of the girls knew it, none of the boys. And I told her the second day we knew and she knew it and still dared to do this to me.

Did she hate me?

Had I done anything wrong?

Was she in love with my brother?

I had heard that there were people who got kidnapped and then fell in love with the guy who had kidnapped them because they were the only person they could talk to apart from themselves. Did this also happen to Jade? Did she only stay with me to be in touch with Jonnie?

A sob escaped my mouth and I covered it with my hands, trying to make myself shut up. Why did I still cry over her? If I didn’t mean anything to her why would she mean anything to me?

Because you love her, stupid.

I sighed because it was true. I had managed to seriously fall in love with someone. The moment we kissed had been the best moment of my life but now I only wished it had never. I put on the radio to forget about everything and of course the perfect song came on. Like always when I switched on the radio it didn’t start from the beginning but from somewhere in the middle, this time it was the bridge.

“ _Dear it took so long_  
Just to feel alright  
Remember   
How to put back the lights in my eyes

_I wish I had missed the first time_  
That we kissed  
‘cause you broke all your promises  
And now you’re back  
You don’t get to get me back 

_And who do you think you are?_  
Running ‘round leaving scars  
Collecting your jar of hearts   
And tearing love apart 

_You’re gonna catch a cold_  
From the ice inside your soul  
So don’t come back for me  
Don’t come back at all 

_And who do you think you are?_  
Running ‘round leaving scars  
Collecting your jar of hearts  
And tearing love apart 

_You’re gonna catch a cold_  
From the ice inside your soul  
Don’t come back for me  
Don’t come back at all 

_Who do you think you are?_  
Who do you think you are?  
Who do you think… you are?”

I took in a deep breath and rested my head on my pillow, not paying attention to the next song on the radio really.

Was Jade not just like the guy in the song? She broke my heart and would most likely come back. Especially the line “I wish I had missed the first time that we kissed.” Did I really regret it? I didn’t until now – I wish I had never kissed her and told her how much she really meant to me. I mean, what would happen now?

If she had come together with Jonnie before she had told me she liked me too everything had been find because then it wouldn’t have been cheating. I would have been able to live with the thought that it wasn’t me who she wanted but it was hard to live with the thought that I wasn’t enough for her. Had I done or said anything wrong?

Was it… because I was a girl?

Again I sobbed and wiped my eyes, trying to stop the tears from falling.

From the very beginning she was against telling anyone because… she was ashamed of me. She wouldn’t admit it but I was sure this was the true reason. Probably she had never been bullied and just invented this all so I wouldn’t tell the whole world that we were together.

Maybe she thought that Jonnie was just like me as a boy. She would’ve the same but she wouldn’t get judged by anyone.

She really was ashamed of me…

I couldn’t help it and cry again, like I had been all day.

Jade had lied to me so she wouldn’t have to break up with me like a person should. She was a stupid coward that was too afraid to tell me in the face that she didn’t love me because I was a girl – I wanted to hate her. I wanted to tell her how much I hated her and hurt her, just like she had hurt me.

But I couldn’t.

Because I still loved her.


	20. Chapter 20

Jade’s POV

“I am so extremely sorry, Jonnie…” I murmured, the phone close to my ear. My knuckles were already white because the grip around the phone was so tight.

“What happened?” He asked angrily and I whimpered.

“I don’t know how… but she found out…” I took a deep breath and tried to calm down again. I had cried so much the last two days, how could there be still anything left? I wanted to rip all my hair out if I would get the chance to explain it to her. Now Jonnie had called me and wanted to know what has happened because his sister hadn’t come out of her room all day – only because of what I did.

“How?!” He exclaimed angrily. I could tell he was tremendously angry and I had never seen him like this. We had stayed in touch ever since he had brought me to the hospital if this case would happen or just so he would have someone to talk. I still felt sympathy for him because Perrie still hated him like before and it looked like he had no friends except for me. Just like I did before I had met Perrie…

It was like both our social lives depended on this blonde girl, which happened to hate us both now.

“I don’t know… We wanted to go and get some ice cream after school but she needed to get something from home first and then she went inside and didn’t come back out. I shouted for her and rang the doorbell but then your dad opened and then Perrie came downstairs and told me she knew the truth…”

“Oh no…” He breathed out and shook his head. “I know what has happened – I have my plan, how to kidnap you, and your jacket still in the back room. As I know Perrie she came home to get some money and she had nothing left and went to my room to get something…” He sighed and I could imagine him running his hand through his hair. “Should I try talking to her?”

“Please…” I whimpered and bit my lower lip. “I… I tried to explain it but she wouldn’t listen to me and slammed the door…” Again tears streamed down my face and I wiped my eyes, trying to avoid them. Ugh, why did I still cry?!

“I will do my best. Or at least I will try convincing her that she needs to go to school tomorrow so you can talk to her there.”

“Thank you, Jonnie, I owe you something.”

“You don’t, you already got kidnapped by me,” he laughed and I couldn’t help but shudder – even though I didn’t mind being in their house it was still not nice thinking about how I had starved the first three days and in what kind of room I had been in.

“Still, thank you,” I breathed out and he disconnected.

I lay down on the bed again and breathed out. Maybe everything would turn out alright again, if I just believed…

***

“Are Jade and Perrie back in school today?”

“Look there is Jade!”

“I already thought they ran away and married,” Jesy chuckled and as I looked over I could see her and Leigh-Anne walking towards me. “Hey, Jade, where have you and Pez been yesterday?”

“Celebrating their one-month, I guess,” Leigh laughed and I bit my lower lip, trying not to cry. Yesterday it had been a month since Perrie and I were dating and we hadn’t spoken a word with each other…

“Err… Perrie and I… We kind of had a fight two days ago,” I murmured and wiped my eyes again, seeing their shocked faces.

“Where is Perrie?” Jesy immediately asked and I felt a sting in my heart. But I understood it – Jesy had always been protective over Perrie. It just hurt to know that we were friends but I would always only be on the second place. If it wasn’t because of Perrie I would also be here the outsider…

“I- I don’t know… I hope she comes to school today, I need to talk to her…” I murmured and took a deep breath.

Jesy frowned at me before she just walked away. Leigh-Anne sighed, looking at me with an apologetically smile and followed after her friend. I wanted to lie down and cry again because this only showed how little they actually cared about me but I just closed my eyes, taking a deep breath to calm down again.

“Jade, are you okay?” A voice asked and immediately I threw my arms around the body in front of me.

“No, I’m not,” I admitted and hid my face in Harry’s chest. Louis was nowhere around, but he never was in the morning. He stroked my hair and asked me what was wrong.

“I messed everything up, Harry, I messed it all up because I am such a stupid girl,” I said and pushed him slightly away from me. “If I tell you what I’ve done you’ll hate me too and I only deserve it…” I whispered and looked down at my trembling hands. “I don’t deserve you being so nice to me after all the pain I caused Perrie.”

He frowned at me and shook his head. “You’re my best friend apart from Louis, I would never hate you. And from what I see Perrie hurt you too.”

“I hurt myself,” I said and sighed. “I did something really wrong and I wanted to explain it to her but she didn’t want to listen… I understand her but maybe she wouldn’t hate me if I had had the chance to explain it.”

“See, it’s not all your fault,” he said and brushed his thumb over my cheek. “Why don’t you tell me what has happened? And I won’t say a word until you’re finished,” he promised and smiled at me. “It cannot be too bad.”

I sighed and wiped my eyes again. People that were walking by stared at me but I could seriously care less. “Okay… so, you know I’ve been missing… it wasn’t exactly like I told you. I didn’t go into the woods and trapped so I couldn’t stand up anymore. I wanted to go to Perrie and talk to her because she thought I wouldn’t like her… But on my way to her someone hit the back of my head and kidnapped me – it was Perrie’s brother. So all the time you had been looking for me I had always been in her house.” I laughed bitterly because at this time I had been closer to her than I was now and it was just my fault. “Anyway, Jonnie and I had talked a lot and he had explained me why he had kidnapped me. He is… a bit psych and extremely protective over Perrie and he only kidnapped me to prevent pain I would cause. He kidnapped me so I couldn’t break Perrie’s heart because back then he already knew she liked me… I had managed to convince him to let me free but I had to promise not to tell anyone and to pretend I had hurt my foot in the woods. He would have kept me in there for longer, maybe until I died…”

I shook my head at the thought because I really didn’t miss the times back in there.

“And what does Perrie know?”

“Only that he had kidnapped me and that I didn’t tell anybody the truth.”

“Jade Amelia Thirlwall,” an angry voice said and I turned around to see an angry Jesy walking towards me. “It’s all your fault that Perrie is a wreck and she won’t tell me what’s wrong! What the hell did you do to her?!”

She looked as if she was close to hitting me and I bit my lower lip.

“Jesy, calm down,” Harry said and raised a hand, trying to put it on her shoulder.

She slapped his hand away. “It’s none of your business, Styles,” she hissed. “Have you seen Perrie?! She is crying, okay, and I have never seen her crying before. It’s all Jade’s fault. I knew that we shouldn’t trust her because you know how labile Perrie is and always was.”

“Do you see her?” Harry asked defending and pointed at me. “And if you’ve never seen Perrie crying you’re a bad friend because I did and I know what’s wrong at her home. She hasn’t told me but I am not as oblivious to such things as a person, who claims to be her best friend. And as you can see Jade is also crying and have you ever seen her crying? I know what is wrong between them and it’s not Jade’s fault at all. She had to this and it was not her intention to hurt Perrie with this. So go and rant somewhere else about it. Talk to someone who cares.”

Both Jesy and I stared at Harry – I had never expected anyone to defend me as much as he did right now and I felt like crying again, but this time because of happiness. He was probably the best bestfriend someone could ask for and I couldn’t help but smile ever so slightly.

“Thanks Harry, but Jesy is right, it’s my fault…” I whispered and he shook his head.

“It’s not, you had to.” He smiled reassuringly and stroked my back, trying to calm me down a bit. “Are you okay? Don’t listen to Jesy, she always goes off about things she has no idea of.”

I bit my lip and thought about the last time she had shouted at me and also last time she had been wrong.

“Jesy, you should start to think before you speak. And don’t always talk about things you have no plan of, like seriously.” He shook his head disapprovingly. “And excuse us now, we are almost too late for maths.” He wrapped his arm around my waist and pulled me with him to our maths class room.

“Wow, thank you,” I murmured and he removed his hand from my waist – it must’ve been as weird to him as it was to me. “But you wouldn’t have to do this for me…”

“I wanted to this for so long already… Jesy is always talking about everything and someone needs to tell her off once in a while. I mean, she herself said she had no idea what was wrong between you two and still she dares to shout at you. What if Perrie had made a mistake and not you? Jesy never thinks before she speaks and it’s annoying the hell out of me.” He rolled with his eyes and we sat down next to each other. “Should I explain it to Perrie or do you want to do it yourself?”

I pulled out my books as I thought about it. If he would tell it to her she would probably believe him more but on the other hand it would only be cowardice if I wouldn’t talk to her myself. “I will try to make her listen to me,” I said and sighed again as the teacher entered.

Let’s have a nice maths hour…

***  
“Okay, what are you going to tell her?” Harry asked and looked at me with hope on his face. If he hoped it would work out between Perrie and I again I had hope too.

“The same I told you… But I don’t want Jonnie look as the badass. I want to explain to her that he did it because he loves her… in his own weird way. That’s why we’re still in contact, because I understood him. Perrie needs to know that he had always tried to protect her.”

“Write her a letter?” Harry suggested and I shook my head.

“If I don’t get her to listen to me she won’t even read a long letter… and it would be long due to everything I need to explain.” I sighed and we entered the cafeteria of the school. Of course everyone sat on their usual places and with a look at Harry, who was smiling at me, we walked towards the table. I took my usual place next to Perrie and opened my mouth to say something but she raised her hand to stop me.

“I don’t wanna hear it,” she whispered and at the end her voice broke, causing my heart to ache.

“Perrie, you need to let her explain,” Harry said and the others agreed. “Please.”

Perrie looked at him and I could see her blue eyes had lost their spark – was it because of me? Did I take the little last of happiness she still had inside of her? School was the only place where she was comfortable and I even took this from her. “Are you also against me now, Harry?” She asked and looked around. “Who else is against me?!”

“I am not against you,” Harry said. Perrie wanted to interrupt him but he wouldn’t let her. “I want you two to make up because if you knew why she had done it I am sure you would forgive her. Please, just listen to her, it will make everything better. Do you want to have this tension between you forever?”

“Fine,” Perrie muttered and got up.

My heart started racing and I ran after her out of the cafeteria. “Okay, tell me why you decided to break my heart. I mean, why would you protect my older brother, who had hurt me ever since I was born? He was the one who threw vases and other things at me, numerous times and you just fall for him!”

I gaped and looked at her shocked. “Why would you think I fell for him?!” I asked seriously shocked and also surprised.

“Why else would you lie for him?!” She exclaimed and I could see tears in her eyes. “You could’ve told me that you didn’t want me, okay?! I don’t even care that it is because I am a girl, it’s just that you betrayed me, okay?!”

“No, Perrie, this is a big misunderstanding! I don’t like him, okay, I am in love with you, Perrie Louise Edwards. Please believe me, you are the one I want to kiss and the one I want to cuddle with at night. Please, I am dead serious…” I breathed in again. “Okay, the reason why I lied was… He had only kidnapped me so I could not hurt you. He knew you liked me and he likes you too. He tries to protect you, since you’re born. Did he ever really throw something at you or was it always your mother who used you to protect herself? He is the one who brings your mum away on the weekends so you have time to yourself and he only kidnapped me because you and I were so close. He didn’t want me to hurt you because he knew it would happen… He wouldn’t have let me go if I hadn’t told him that I loved you. He wouldn’t have let me go if I hadn’t made up this plan. I wanted to get out of there because I missed my friends and my family… and most of all, I did miss you, Perrie.”

“Why didn’t you tell me earlier?” She asked with tears in her eyes and she still looked broke. “If you had told me all this, when we had still been in the hospital it wouldn’t be like this… and I cannot believe you believed him. He only said this to you because… I don’t know why, but I told you what kind of monster he is and still you decide to lie to me because of him. You know what hurts the most? There are so many people I have around me… Jesy, Leigh, Zayn, Liam, Louis, Harry, Niall and you. And I chose to trust the one who breaks my heart.”

“Don’t you think it hurts me too?” I asked and wiped my eyes. “It hurts to know that I hurt you with something I did to save my own life. What would you do if I was still in your house, locked inside his room?” I asked and started raising my voice. “If you had been in there with me you would know what it is like and you would not judge me. You would understand me, like I would understand you if you were me. I actually thought I would deserve all this pain because I caused you pain but you wouldn’t even listen to me. And now you still don’t believe me because of one mistake I made… It was to save my life, okay? I didn’t want to be in there forever!”

She bit her lower lip, not knowing what to say. She looked me in the eyes and my heart still ached because her eyes still looked so dull.

“I know that I should’ve told you from the beginning but I also told you that I had been bullied – I learnt to keep things to myself because if they got out nothing except for bad things would happen, like right now. I tried to explain it to you, but you wouldn’t let me and today, for the second time, Jesy shouted at me because you’re hurt. I am sorry that I hurt you, and this is also what hurts me the most, but I don’t see why she is always the one to tell me off. I thought I was the coward because I didn’t get to talk to you but you wouldn’t even give me the chance to and then you send her. If it wasn’t because of Harry you still would refuse to listen to me and now I wonder who is the coward.”

“And I always thought I was the boy…” She whispered and a sad smile crept onto her face. “You’re right, I am the coward. I was too afraid you would only tell me lies, or that you loved me when I thought it wasn’t true. I was afraid of the truth… which is actually just something my mind made up. I seriously feel so stupid right now and I want to disappear in the ground.” She wiped her eyes again. “I understand if you hate me now because I have been such a bitch… but you should know that I still love you. It was just that I trusted you, and only you. You were the only one I ever told my secret…” She ran a hand through her blonde hair and sighed. “You deserve better than me…” She wanted to walk away but I grabbed her wrist.

“But I want you,” I smiled at her and held back a relieved sigh when I saw the genuine smile and the sparkle in her blue eyes, making them look like snowflakes.

“Thank god… and I hope you can forgive me one day.” Jokingly she pouted and I rolled my eyes at her with a smile.

“Already did,” I smiled.

She bit her lower lip and knitted her eyebrows whilst looking at me.

“What?” I asked and laughed slightly, looking behind my back if there was something, but there was nothing that would catch her eyes.

“I… I was just unsure if I was allowed to do something,” she murmured and I raised an eyebrow. “What would it be?” I asked.

“Can I, err… Can I kiss you?” She asked whispering.

“Why do you even ask?” I laughed and she leant in to press her lips against mine. It wasn’t like a kiss we had before and I felt like having our first actual kiss together. Her lips were a little swollen and so were mine and I could taste the salty taste of her tears. Her arms were around my waist and mine around her shoulder, holding each other close.

“I’m in love with you,” she whispered and I gasped because it was the first time she said it.

“And I’m in love with you too,” I returned and reconnected our lips.

Maybe things would turn out right from now on.


	21. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so this is the final chapter! It's nothing special anymore, just for you to know what's happened. I opened character ask on my tumblr blog (just-a-mixer.tumblr.com) so if you still have any questions to any of the characters, please message me on tumblr :) Also, if you enjoyed it, please leave kudos or comment! It would mean a lot! xx

It had been three years now since both Perrie and Jade had finished studying – Jade had been studying arts in Oxford and Perrie had decided to study medicine in Manchester. Still they had managed to see each other on the weekends, no matter what kind of exam they had to get. They wouldn’t let anything come between them and this had probably been the reason why they were still together – Jade being an arts teacher in the South Shield’s primary and Perrie being in her first year of South Shield’s hospital.

They still had kind of meetings with the other people from school, once in a month and they were telling other about what had happened since their last meeting.

“So, Jesy, how was your and Jordan’s wedding?” Zayn asked. His arm was around his girlfriend’s shoulder, who was there for the first time. Her name was Emily and she was from another city, called Bradford. Zayn had visited his grandparents in Bradford and had met Emily there and since then they were together (which was probably three months ago).

“Amazing!” Jesy grinned and looked at the golden ring on her finger. “Really sad you couldn’t come – but I hope you’ll come to the baby party!”

“No way!” Niall said with a huge grin. “Wow, congrats, Jesy!” He said and hugged her tightly.

Everyone agreed with Niall, giving Jesy and her husband Jordan a hug. “We are really happy for you,” Perrie agreed and hugged her best friend as the last person. Jesy had been in Manchester too so they had been together all the time – in Manchester Jesy had also met Jordan.

Niall was alone there but he wasn’t the only single in the round, also Liam was still (or again) single. Harry and Louis still were together and it looked like they were as much as in love as the day they had told each other their love for each another.

Leigh-Anne was also single, but she didn’t want it any other way. Together with Jade she had studied in Oxford, but she had studied music instead of arts. The black haired girl had started playing some instruments, them being the guitar, the violin and the piano. She worked for some different musicians, on tour, so she was always around. So she herself said she wouldn’t need a boyfriend at the moment and she was happy the way she was.

Jade looked up to meet Liam’s eyes and he was smiling at her. They had become good friends again and also met sometimes, only if Perrie wasn’t against it. She wouldn’t say anything but Jade knew when it was better not to mention that she’d like to meet Liam again. He had been with a girl since they had broken up and they had been together for two years, but now he was single again.

“Anything new between you?” Harry asked and Jade’s attention was drawn away from the only boy she had ever kissed.

Perrie blushed, something that was really rare, and looked over at her girlfriend. “Well, err, I finally did it,” Perrie murmured and now also Jade blushed deeply.

“What?” Liam asked and everyone giggled – of course Perrie hadn’t told anyone about their plans but everyone kind of knew it – they were together for more than four years now, it was only time that one of them would propose.

Jade raised her arm and pulled back the sleeve of her jumper to show everyone her fingers – a silver ring with a small sparkling diamond was on her ring finger. The diamond reflected the light from above them and made her whole hand look brighter.

“Wow, oh my, this one’s so pretty!” Leigh-Anne scream-whispered. She grabbed Jade’s hand to get a closer look at the ring and sighed. “I am really happy for you two, well done, Perrie.” She smiled at her friend and hugged them both.

“Seems like we have a lot of things to tell today,” Liam smiled and took a sip of his beer. “My sister called me yesterday because she is getting a baby, too.” He smiled at them and again everyone congratulated him.

Nothing between them had changed really – on the inside they still were the nine students from High School and it was like sitting in the cafeteria, like it had always been. There maybe were Zayn’s girlfriend and Jesy’s husband and soon her baby, but they still were the same people, no matter what kind of job they had now.

“Oh, and we will go to Barbados for Christmas. We wanted to ask if any of you wanted to come along.”

“Like in school?” Niall asked happily. Their last year in school had been their best year ever and they all agreed to it. They had had prom, on which Harry and Jade became king and queen, but at the end of the day Jade had given her crown to Louis, who celebrated his night as the queen of school with a bit too much red wine.

Jade and Perrie had been dancing all night together until Liam had asked Jade for a dance, which Perrie unwillingly granted. She tried not to show that she was still jealous when her girlfriend was around the other boy but she couldn’t help it – it was just too disturbing to think that they had kissed and cuddled and held hands…

Perrie had seen that they were talking but until now she still didn’t know what it was about. When she had asked Jade what they were talking about, Jade had only grabbed her hand and led her to the dance floor, dancing the waltz with her.

“Hey, Liam,” Jade said with a sad smile.

“Jade,” he smiled and turned her around, his hand slightly holding onto her fingers as he did so. He was one of the best dancers tonight, this was for sure.

“Does this dance mean anything? I mean… did you want to talk or just dance?”

“A bit of both I guess,” Liam said and the music changed – it was a bit calmer, and made Liam wrap his arm around her waist. It felt weird to her; because she thought it meant something to him when it didn’t mean anything to her. At this moment they weren’t really good friends anymore because Liam would never really talk to her when they were alone, which was a really rare occasion. Probably because Jade tried to avoid him, even though she didn’t really know why. She just felt guilty when she was with him and all she could think about was Perrie and if she were angry if she knew she was with Liam, her ex boyfriend.

“So, what do you want to talk about?” Jade asked and turned around again in Liam’s arms.

“I wanted to tell you a secret,” he smiled. “Something I haven’t even told Niall.”

“Why?” Jade asked curiously. “We have hardly talked to each other in a while and I thought you were mad at me because of that… Why would you tell me a secret before you tell it your best friend?”

“Because it saddens me that we are not as close as we used to,” Liam explained and moved his feet swiftly on the ground. Jade was impressed by his skills because she had to admit he danced better than her – and she was no bad dancer herself. “And this secret will make you feel… not so weird around me anymore. I know that you kind of avoid me and I also understand it – it’s kind of weird to hang out with an ex when you think they still like you, right?”

Jade nodded, biting down her lip because she felt guilty. She didn’t want to hurt Liam, but he was right – it really was kind of weird to her.

“Well, I think… I am pretty sure that I like someone else. Her name is Danielle and she is in the school’s dance group. She is in eleventh grade so none of us really knows her. My mum and her mum are friends and we lately were having brunch at theirs’… and that’s where I met Danielle.”

“I am happy for you,” Jade said and suppressed a relieved sigh – she finally could be with him in a normal way again. “Does she like you too?”

“I don’t know,” Liam chuckled. “But I hope she has no blonde, beautiful best friend.”

Jade laughed and turned around again, shaking her head slightly. “But I know someone else who has a blonde, beautiful friend.”

“Who?”

“You yourself!” Jade laughed and poked his chest.

They stayed silent for a bit, and just danced until the song was over. “Thank you, Jade,” Liam smiled and hugged her. “And… don’t tell anyone about this already, okay? I don’t want everyone to know before I don’t know she likes me too. This time I won’t make it so obvious.”

“I wish you good luck,” Jade smiled. “You deserve someone who makes you actually happy and who loves you the same way you love them.”

“Thanks.”

Jade walked back to Perrie, who looked at her expectantly. “What did you talk about?” She asked and sounded a bit jealous but Jade had promised Liam to keep it as a secret.

“Do you know how to dance the waltz?” She asked and held out her hand for the blonde girl. She really looked beautiful today – her blonde hair was in a bun and fixed with some light brown hair clasps. They weren’t black because her hair was so bright and it shouldn’t have a too big contrast. A few strokes fell on either side of her face and her pale body was covered in an ocean blue, strapless dress. A black belt was around her waist and her eyelashes were covered in black mascara, her lips reddened with lipstick.

Jade also looked stunning – she had re-dyed her hair so it was wine-red. Her hair was straightened and fell down her shoulders, down her back. Only a single stroke was bent back and held there with a black hair clasp. She wore a black dress and a dark blue, very thin jacket to cover her arms and her shoulders.

“Yes, I do,” Perrie answered confused and grabbed Jade’s hand, letting Jade lead her to the dance floor.

“By the way, Gemma and Greg marry tomorrow,” Harry reminded them all and grinned at Niall. “What are we now? Are we related?”

“Don’t think so,” Niall laughed and took a sip of his beer. “But we are all mentally related, aren’t we? It doesn’t make a big difference to me when your sister and my brother marry.”

Harry agreed and smiled at Louis, pressing his lips to the older boy’s forehead. “But it’d be weird to think that Louis and I were related.”

“Oh my god,” Louis agreed and shook his head a little bit disgusted. “Imagine we were brothers!”

“To think that after a night like the last is just not possible…”

“Harry!” Niall exclaimed and shook his head. Everyone else shouted out and covered their eyes and looked away. “We have no problem with you two being together but don’t talk about your sex life. I also don’t want to know what Jade and Perrie or Zayn and Emily do at night… or Jesy and Jordan,” he quickly added.

Everyone nodded and shook their heads.

Some things would always change; they would marry, they would divorce, they would fall in love, they would fall out of love, they would get children, they would get old.

But it would always be like this – they would always meet once in a month, talking about everything and everyone. They would stay friends forever.


End file.
